Verbal Abuse and Racket Anger
I have heard it stated by many women in bad situations that verbal abuse hurts more than does physical violence. Since the law protects free speech I do not see how that can be dealt with legally in most countries; but I believe that this matter can be dealt with rationally.
And the rational solution is pointing out the underlying illogic and dishonesty of the behaviour.
The man in situations like that can be told the following. If the woman really is as bad as he paints her as being, then damn fool he to stay with the woman. And if she is not as bad as he claims her to be, then he is a scoundrel to be claiming that she is.
In most of these situations, the man is playing a game. He gets what he wants from the woman without rewarding her appropriately. This is called having one’s cake and eating it too. Most of these men get many things out of the relationship, from sex and companionship to dinner and a clean house. To see the woman as being a bad person allows them to get from her everything that she has to give, without doing his part in the exchange: Of treating her rightfully in return.
Eric Berne wrote about a concept called racket anger. The person who practices racket anger finds fake reasons to be angry at the next person in order to justify wanting to mistreat the next person. In many of these situations what we see is in fact racket anger. The man wants to get from the woman what she has to give and, instead of rewarding her for her efforts with good treatment and good behaviour, instead to use her as his punching bag.
This is dishonest, and this is completely unjust. If the man gets nothing of value from the relationship, then the logical solution is to walk. And if he is getting things of value from the relationship, then it is his obligation to reward the partner with good treatment. With men who claim that their women are trash but insist on staying with them, what we see is a racket being perpetrated by them against their partners. And people running a racket have no business attacking anyone else’s character.
The situations in which this happens must be seen for what they are and dealt with accordingly: In the same way that one deals with any racket. The irrationality and the dishonesty of the abuser must be pointed out for everyone to see. The abuser’s claims that he possesses a better character than his partner must be revealed for their falsehood. And the person at the receiving end of the abuse must be set free in her mind from his destructive attacks and be released to live her life as she chooses to live it.