Homo Erectus: Gaiety in the Paleocene?

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Homo Erectus: Gaiety in the Paleocene?

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WASHINGTON, D.C. (Digital Dementia News Services) - The Southern Baptist Convention has petitioned the National Academy of Sciences to amend the name of the proto-human species “homo erectus” to something less provocative.

“We believe that ‘homo erectus’ is offensive and suggestive, vile and reprehensible.” said Jean Campbell of Darien, Connecticut.  “It conjures unacceptable images of aroused faggots.” 

Gay rights activists are bitterly opposed to the proposed name change.  “This is just another revisionist history proposal by right-wing homophobes” says Bruce Smithers of San Francisco.  “There is ample evidence that gays have been with us right through the ages, all the way back to the dawn of mankind.  You just know the artists who painted the cave walls at Lascaux were gay.  Homo Erectus was known to bury their dead in leathers, tutus and boas.  If that doesn’t tell you something, well, I just don’t know!”

A spokesman for the National Academy of Sciences who preferred not to be identified said that while a change of name for the extinct hominids would be completely unprecedented, “ … the Academy is prepared to take the matter under advisement but is unlikely to accept the alternatives proposed by the Southern Baptist Convention.”  

The Baptists reportedly favor names such as “Handy Andy” or “Spanky Needs a Haircut”.