Houston Church Strains Definition of "Religion"

Photos

Houston Church Strains Definition of "Religion"

see larger image

uploaded by Lcantu

HOUSTON (Digital Dementia News Services) -  A new religious group founded by the notorious and iconoclastic Reverend Hornibastard is straining the definition of religion.  Located in the heart of Houston’s adult entertainment district, “Our Lady of Perpetual Lust” has an ever-growing flock of faithful who stream into the gleaming new facility every Sunday and on most Friday and Saturday nights as well. 

In a recent interview the irrepressible Reverend Hornibastard said he was “damned proud” of his new religious enterprise.  “The world has long needed a religious alternative to the mind-numbing, hopelessly gray piety of mainstream religions.  At Our Lady of Perpetual Lust we venerate a holy trinity that damn near everyone can identify with: Sex, Drugs and Rock ‘n Roll!” 

Our Lady of Perpetual Lust is home to “Thunder Thighs”, the highly acclaimed, innovative and controversial gospel choir.  The Houston church has also recently become the home base of the “Naked Guardian Angels”, the world’s first and only convent of nudist nuns. 

Always on the prowl for a novel twist, Reverend Hornibastard recently announced that a new "leather & lace" confessional has been inaugurated and is ready for the "wicked who wish to confess and be punished." 

Billboards promoting the controversial new religious sect now punctuate the Houston skyline.  Many feature provocative photos of the faithful in a state of religious ecstasy and exhort the public to join in worship at the sect’s “unique clothing-optional chapel, sauna and disco!” 

In recent television advertising aired in the Houston market the Reverend Hornibastard, seen sitting between voluptuous members of the “Naked Guardian Angels”, winks as he guarantees viewers that they will love the church’s Sunday “services”. 

The ribald new religious sect has no shortage of adherents.  Numerous well known celebrities and politicians have been seen frequenting the church including Hugh Grant, Woody Allen, former President Bill Clinton and Pee Wee Herman. 

Meanwhile, Houston authorities are not amused. 

“I’m not entirely sure that this is really a legitimate church.” said a Houston vice squad detective.  “It boggles my mind that anyone defines lap-dancing as a religious rite.” 

A recent raid conducted on the church facilities by vice squad officers fell into disarray and had to be abandoned when 5 of the 6 officers involved converted and became deacons in the new church. 

IRS officials are also said to be studying whether Our Lady of Perpetual Lust’s religious tax-exemption should be revoked