Indonesian Army Enters Bird Flu Battle

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Indonesian Military Called Upon to Fight Bird Flu

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JAKARTA  (Digital Dementia News Services) – Indonesian president Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono called out the Indonesian military to help fight bird flu. Inside sources say the decision was made after a disastrous culling operation in south Jakarta went badly awry. Those on the scene report that the chickens and ducks suddenly became surly and refused to go quietly.

Three members of the Jakarta police force had to be hospitalized for injuries suffered in the ensuing melee. Numerous bystanders were also injured in the resulting chaos.

“I have never seen anything like this,” said Sunardjo of Cipete. “It reminded me a little bit of the old Hitchcock movie The Birds except that these were chickens and ducks instead of ravens, seagulls and starlings.

A bird culling operation in Pulo Gading later the same day also resulted in numerous injuries as dozens were trampled in a riotous stampede of enraged ducks.

The Indonesian military has fanned out across Jakarta and environs and has been given authority to shoot on sight any rebellious poultry or waterfowl.

Indonesia has been beset by an ever lengthening series of disasters from earthquakes, airline crashes, weekly train derailments, ferry sinkings, mudslides brought on by uncontrolled illegal logging and runaway mud spills caused by amateur oil and gas drilling operations. Authorities are keen to ensure that bird flu does not become the next national disaster in a country that is widely seen as replacing Bangladesh as the disaster capital of the world.

Largely as a result of their superior organization and discipline, the chickens and ducks clearly had the upper hand in early fighting, sending the Indonesian military into a massive and hasty retreat. Despite initial setbacks, the Indonesian military has gradually retaken ground previously surrendered and is said to be effectively employing air strikes to re-establish control over strategic locations on the outskirts of the Indonesian capital.

“We will do all we can to combat the spread of bird flu in Indonesia,” said an enigmatic senior Indonesian military leader. “If that means blowing birds that resist to smithereens and shooting people who appear to have bird flu symptoms, so be it!”