International House of Pancakes to Acquire Hooters
The new 24-hour chain plans to shamelessly promote itself as the world's premiere restaurant for heavenly breakfast buns and world class milkshakes. It will also include an ice cream parlor featuring spectacularly priced $200 cones (a little extra if you want to lick them).
Former President Bill Clinton has served as a quality control consultant to the Hooters Restaurant chain since 2001 and now serves on the board of both companies. The former president is said to have been instrumental in the merger plans. He is reportedly keen to continue as a member of the board and as the chief quality control inspector for the combined chains.
Brainchild of an Atlanta based reprobate, Hooters quickly achieved spectacular success with its explicitly sexual "more-than-a-mouthful" approach to marketing. In recent months, however, Hooters has run into some legal hurdles. A federal court recently declared that Hooters' Lickety Split 15-Minute Express Lunch Guarantee violates Oklahoma laws prohibiting public lewdness. Meanwhile, a court in California ordered a Hooters restaurant in Oakland to reinstate a former Hooters waitress now aged 42 despite her 324 pound weight.