Islamic Scholars Tighten Ban on Pork Products

Photos

Islamic Scholars Tighten Ban on Pork Products

see larger image

uploaded by Lcantu

ISLAMABAD, PAKISTAN (Digital Dementia News Services) - Sunnis and Shiites ordinarily can’t agree on much, but today the two religious sects agreed that devout Muslims around the world should steadfastly observe the Islamic prohibition against the consumption of bacon or anything derived from pork or pork products. 

In a move that surprised many, Ayatollah Yue Soh called upon devout Muslims around the world to totally reject Kevin Bacon and to abstain from watching any movies in which he appears or from joining any Kevin Bacon fan clubs. 

While the news that pork and products derived from pork are “haram” (unclean), some Islamic scholars questioned whether the ban on pork was technically applicable to Kevin Bacon. 

“I question the need to abstain from watching films in which Kevin Bacon appears just because he is named after a pork product.  It seems a little over the top if you ask me.” said Mr. Ali Bama, a professor of Islamic studies at the University of California at Davis.  “OK, as a devout Muslim, I would probably draw the line at inviting Mr. Bacon to my home for dinner, but I rather enjoyed his performance in Tremors though I have to admit that my all time Bacon movies are Friday the 13th and Animal House.  I understand that Kevin Bacon has been signed by a major Hollywood studio to play the leading role in the remake of Grease.  Inshallah they will name the re-make Bacon Grease.”

Another Islamic religious scholar based in Dubai who preferred not to be identified said, “Ayatollah Yue Soh is totally whacked out!  Where in the Koran does it say we have to shun people if their name is Bacon?  Next thing you know we’re going to have to stop watching Dumb and Dumber or Ace Venture just because some Imam somewhere decides Jim Carrey is a ham actor.” 

Though the wisdom of the new ruling may be in dispute, the trend among Islamic religious scholars is clear.  American soccer star Mia Hamm was denied a tourist visa to enter Indonesia last year after Indonesian immigration officials became aware that Indonesian cleric, Abu Bakar Bashir, had vehemently denounced Mia Hamm as a “cewek babi yang sangat haram” (an extremely unclean pig-woman) in a sermon delivered after Friday prayers. 

The recent declaration issued in Islamabad makes it official.  Mia Hamm is now officially on the list of celebrities that Muslim faithful are exhorted to reject. 

Earlier this year a physician in Karachi who specialized in treating sports injuries was abducted and later found dead after rumors circulated that he had treated a local woman for a pulled hamstring.  Religious extremists are among those suspected in his murder. 

Also included on the list of practices Muslims are cautioned to avoid were keeping hamsters as pets, the use of “ham radio” and watching the films Babe, Babe: A Pig in the City, Porky’s and Porky’s Revenge.  Visits to certain destinations were also ruled out including Hamburg, Germany and Ham Lake, Minnesota. 

Finally, retired Warner Brother’s film star, Porky Pig, has been taken into protective custody after threats against his life were made by Islamic religious extremists at a southern California mosque.