Junk in the Trunk

A Kent man who got his manhood trapped in a padlock "after a sex game went wrong" had to be cut free by firemen, The Sun reports.

The unnamed victim, in his 50s, intially presented the coupling of padlock and pecker at his local fire station. They packed him off to hospital, but since docs "could do nothing", he was forced to return to seek expert help. Firemen eventually released the chap's wedding tackle using hydraulic cutters.

Using the key was evidently not an option, since the key hole had inexplicably been sealed with superglue. Accordingly, it took two-and-a-half hours to end his "eye-watering ordeal", during which the firemen involved in the rescue undoubtedly kept suitably professional straight faces.