Is It Wrong To Be Friends With My Boyfriend’s Ex-Girlfriend? (Video)

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Is It Wrong To Be Friends With My Boyfriend's Ex-Girlfriend?

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sourced by DanAndJenn

You know the awkward feeling, the uncomfortable glances… when you and your partner run into his ex on the street. Usually the most you’ll see is a brief hello or a nod, and sometimes it’ll be downright hostile.

That’s crazy, isn’t it? Someone that was a major part of your life
and was a source of great joy for you certainly deserves more than a
nod or a dirty look, don’t you think?

Why are people so nasty with their exes?

The truly sad part is that we actually create these venomous situations ourselves.

People have such a hard time moving on from a relationship that’s no longer working out
- accepting that it’s time to move on, that they actually look for
reasons to hate their partner so they can break up… reasons to justify
the break up to themselves.

By the time it’s all said and done, the relationship is so bad that
everyone wants it to be over. And all this just to avoid being honest
to ourselves and to one another and admitting that the fit may no
longer be there, and it may be time to move on.

It’s really sad how we as a society handle exes. Why can’t we just
grow up and get along? We should at the very least have as much respect
for someone who was a key part of your life as one would for a stranger
on the street.

So this is why months and years after the break up, when you and
your partner run into his ex, there’s no love there, only resentment.
It’s sad, but we do this to ourselves.

But what if you’re tired of this weird interaction with his ex, and would like to reach out to her?

What if you might even like to be friends with her? Is that really so much to ask? Is it really so unreasonable?

Sure, it’s not commonly done in our culture, but… after all, this
woman was a major part of your boyfriend’s life for years. Surely she’s
someone you should at least know. Is there anything really wrong with
approaching her and asking?

The chances of you actually becoming friends are pretty slim, but it COULD happen.

What’s the best way to approach her?

Unless you happen to run into her a lot alone, i.e. NOT with your
boyfriend, sending her an email is probably the way to go. A phone call
is fine too, but in this case an email is probably better, since she
doesn’t have to answer it if she’s not inclined to do so.

Don’t write a long, drawn-out email however, and don’t get on a
long, involved phone call with her.  Truly emotional topics like this
are best discussed in person. This is just first contact, and the
objective is to get together in person for "a talk".

When you suggest a time and place to get together, keep it simple
and non-threatening. Lunch or dinner is a long time to sit with a
person you may REALLY not click with. Suggest something simple and
non-committal, like maybe getting together for a coffee.

When you do talk with her, whether it’s by email, phone, or in
person, be open, warm, and honest. Tell her what you’ve been thinking,
and that you’d like to get to know her better. Keep it simple, and
always be open and honest.

So send her the email or give her a call and see where it goes. But
be prepared to not hear anything back, or to get a very different
response than you might have anticipated.

What if your boyfriend finds out you’re talking to his ex? 

Whatever you do, be very up front and honest about this with your boyfriend
as well, or you’ll put that relationship in jeopardy. Tell him before
she does! The last thing you want is for him to think the two of you
are somehow going behind his back and conspiring against him or talking
about him.  

But there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you talking with or meeting another person that you’re inspired to get to know.

Your friends and family will probably advise you against talking
with her, just because that’s the common societal bias. But this is
YOUR call, not anyone else’s. So make your own decision. 

Bottom line - don’t listen to others. Always follow YOUR heart! 

Here’s a question from a lady in Florida facing this dilemma…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My boyfriend/fiancee and I have been talking for almost a year and a
half. He had a weird relationship with his ex and it was always on and
off for a year and a half too.

Sometimes I feel like she was such a better person then me and I
have a lot of respect for her even though I don’t know her. We run into
her a lot, and my boyfriend only says hello to her friends, since they
all graduated together. In a way I want to get to know his ex, but
don’t want to come off the wrong way to her.

Everyone I know tells me not to try and talk to her and explain that
I don’t want the awkward feeling every time we see each other - which
isn’t too often. Yet for some reason I want to get to know her. Should
I just email her one day, or just listen to everyone and let it be?

– Susan, Florida

Watch this short video for our thoughts on this very interesting question…

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