Media Grateful to Mel Gibson

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Media Grateful to Mel Gibson

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(CNN Headquarters – Atlanta)  “Thank God for Mel Gibson!” was a rallying cry heard in the corridors of CNN’s headquarters in Atlanta.  

CNN was not the only news service organization affected by a recent downturn in newsworthy events.  In news rooms all across America there was a collective sigh of relief after actor Mel Gibson single-handedly dented a crippling deficit of sellable news material. 

“Had it not been for Mel Gibson getting himself arrested for driving while under the influence in Mexico and then hurling anti-Semitic epithets, we would have been in dire straits around here,” said a CBS news executive who preferred to remain anonymous.  "We were reluctant to go on the air with stories about school buses in Peoria that successfully delivered all the kids back to their homes without incident or how the electricity has been on without interruptions throughout Cleveland for a solid week." 

“There’s no doubt about it, Mel Gibson really saved our bacon the last few days,” said CNN’s Christiane Amanpour.  “We’ve run into a string of bad luck lately here in the news business.  First Hurricane Beryl wimped out on us.  Then we had some good material coming out of the Middle East but after a while people got tired of hearing about that and we had to look for something new, but there was a severe news drought underway.  No new tsunamis, no airliners being hi-jacked, no dead or dying popes.  There was that one story about an enormous new born washing up on the beach in Oregon, but otherwise we had nothing.  Nada.  Zilch.”

“We’re keeping our fingers crossed that this year’s hurricane season won’t let us down,” said Christiane Amanpour.  "Failing that, we’re counting on Mel Gibson to do something else that we can milk for awhile.  Personally, I’m hoping for something we can really sink our claws into … like maybe he could expose himself to a group of Carmelite nuns or get himself caught on video exchanging vows with George Michael in a public restroom along Interstate 80.”