Mother of God Appears in Chocolate Drippings

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Mother of God Appears in Chocolate Drippings

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Fountain Valley, California (Digital Dementia News Services)  -- Workers at a chocolate company have discovered a 2-inch-tall (5-centimeter-tall) column of chocolate drippings that they believe bears a striking resemblance to traditional depictions of the Virgin Mary.

Since the discovery of the drippings under a vat on Monday, employees of Bodega Chocolates have spent much of their time hovering over the tiny figure, praying and placing rose petals and candles around it. 

“Productivity around here has turned to shit!” complained owner Ruben Gonzalez.  “All my employees want to do is sit around praying to the chocolate image of the Blessed Virgin.  They say it’s a sign.  It’s a sign all right.  It says “fuckin' going out of business” if they don’t get their fat asses back to work!”  

"I was raised to believe in the Virgin Mary, but this still gives me the chills," employee  Martucci Angiano said as she balanced the dark brown figure in her hand during an interview Thursday. "Everyone should see this."

Kitchen worker Cruz Jacinto was the first to spot the lump of melted chocolate when she began her shift Monday cleaning up drippings that had accumulated under a large vat of dark chocolate.

“Chocolate drippings usually harden in shapeless chunks on the wax paper.  Sometimes they look like people.  I remember one that looked a lot like Al Sharpton and another one that reminded me of my favorite dildo, but mostly they just look like turds,” says the chocolate factory worker, but the hefty Ms. Jacinto said she froze in her tracks when she noticed the unusual shape of this cast-off: It looked just like the Virgin Mary on the prayer card she always carries in her right pocket.

"When I come in, the first thing I do is look at the clock, but this time I didn't look at the clock. My eyes went directly to the chocolate," said Jacinto, wearing a hair net and apron as she paused from her work. "I thought, 'Am I the only one who can see this? I picked it up and I felt emotion just come over me. For me, it was a sign."

The chocolate, on display for most of the week in the front of the company gift shop, now rests in a plastic case in a back room and is brought out only for curious visitors.

The stack of hardened confection has a wide base and tapers gently toward a rounded top, giving the appearance of a female figure with her head tilted slightly to the right. The dark brown melting chocolate hardened into subtle layers that resemble the folds of a gown and a flowing veil.

A tiny white circle, about the size of a pencil eraser, sits in the upper center of the creation, just above a slight ridge that runs across it. Jacinto says the white speck is the head of the Baby Jesus as he is held in Mary's folded arms. 

"Then again, it could be rodent droppings," says owner Ruben Gonzalez who is more than fed up with the chocolate virgin and its effect on his employees.   

For Jacinto, the discovery came just in time. The single mother said she has struggled with personal problems for months and says she was about to lose her faith.

"I have big problems right now, personally, and lately I've been saying that God doesn't exist," she said, pulling the dog-eared prayer card out of her pocket. "This has given me renewed faith."

“Besides, it beats the hell out of praying to a chocolate turd.” opines Mr. Gonzalez as he sulks back into his office in the rear of the factory.