Santa Claus is NOT a Teamster

Driving home from the airport recently, I encountered a colorful and festive sticker on the back bumper of a car in front of me. It’s message, “SANTA IS A TEAMSTER,” activated my skeptic nerve and prompted me to ask the question, “Why would Santa Claus join a labor union?”

Before I could answer that question with any sense of authority, I felt I needed to learn more about the union officially known as the International Brotherhood of Teamsters. So I typed “Teamsters” in the search block at Wikipedia.com.

What I learned at the online repository of data appears in boldface in the bullet points below. Inside parentheses next to it, I’ve added my thoughts that lead to the conclusion stated in the headline above:

• The Teamsters union was formed in 1903 (Makes me wonder how Santa Claus managed things during the previous 17 centuries of his existence.);

• The Teamsters’ logo contains horses (Santa Claus would never buy into the beliefs of an outfit that allows horses — not reindeer — to appear in its corporate logo.);

• The Teamsters’ history is pock-marked by the influence of organized crime (Watch Miracle on 34th Street, a film that offers a good representation of the moral character of Santa Claus, and you’ll be convinced that the jolly fat man wouldn’t have anything to do with criminal types.); and, finally,

• The Teamsters lost its president, Jimmy Hoffa, in 1975 (Santa Claus would never lend his time, talent or treasure (a.k.a., union dues) to an outfit so careless that it loses its leader. During 17 centuries of work, the red-suited wonder has never lost a single package.).

Cast aside any of the explanations above and one indisputable fact remains as to why Santa Claus would never join the Teamsters: He’s management! -- Bob McCarty Writes™

Merry Christmas!

* * *

Disclaimer #1: Like most red-blooded Americans with Midwest roots, I believed in the existence of Santa Claus until I convinced otherwise by my five older siblings at age 5.

Disclaimer #2: Like most hard-line conservatives, however, I believed for most of my adult life that labor unions were a largely-unnecessary remnant of America’s past. I expected to maintain that view forever. Unexpectedly, however, my wife began a new career that requires membership in a labor union as a condition of employment. As a result, I’ve warmed up to the value of labor unions — but only slightly — during the past few years. So please keep any hate mail to yourself on this one.