Oral Sex, Hard To Swallow For Iranians

by Barry Artiste | July 6, 2007 at 05:52 am

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Opinion

Barry Artiste, Now Public Contributor

In North America at the turn of the 20th Century a woman flashing a hint of a well turned ankle would drive men into a drooling frenzy, and some womens groups to label her a harlot or worse. From the Second World War to Vietnam, pinups of semi nude bathing beauties would adorn GI's foot lockers letting GI's know who they were dying for.

In Iran, it is a little different where kinkiness has reached new heights. In Iran, the more clothes a woman wears, the more desirable she is, at least that is what I gather when reading Lyn Cockburn's article that states Iran's Mullahs spin on sex education. Iran's Mullahs Sex Ed for married couples must ensure they are to be in total darkness, fully clothed, showing minimal skin during copulation and certainly no sex talk, oral sex on the "Nibbly Bits" or displays of pleasure. Geez, it's Catholic School all over again.

It makes one wonder when Mullahs, Imams and other Zealots state no sex before marriage, modesty, forbidding pleasure during sex, yet in the same breath if Iranian men give their lives to Allah, they will be greeted by a thousand willing unmarried virgins in paradise. Apparently it is okay to have unmarried sex in paradise. But is it worth it? Especially if you have to have sex in total darkness fully clothed, how will you differentiate between fully clothed genders, seeking an orfice in total darkness. One can only imagine the scenario, Oops, sorry there Ahmed, I was just poking around in the dark there and thought you were one of them virgins. Say Guys, anyone here have any luck in finding a virgin yet? What I wouldn't give for a flashlight right now. Poke, Poke, Poke, Poke, Damn this sucks. "Family Guy's" Quagmire would be freaking out right about now. Now to be fair, Mullahs didn't state the gender of these thousand virgins now did he? Just imagine if you will thousands of horny fully clothed Iranians and the inevitable "Pork Sword Fights" in total darkness that would ensue in frustration.

Regardless of what Mullahs state on Sex, it would be interesting to see inside an Iranian GI's footlocker for his pinup, no doubt a dark undistinguishable figure complete with head to toe Hijabs, much like the Addams family "IT" without hair. Kind of hard to play "Pup Tent" at night with this as your vision of loveliness.

My Final Thought

Imam's and Mullah's "Backdoor" Policies when it comes to sex, Mullahs know there is nothing more "Dangerous" than a "Sexually Frustrated Man" with a "AK-47".

Iranians state their Camels are the "Ships of the Desert", is it any wonder they're full of "Seaman"?

"What is this awful sex I keep hearing about," asked a 40-ish man one day. Turned out he was inquiring about oral sex, something I declined to explain to him. Somehow, I think he and his wife may now be doing that awful stuff.

Turns out the Tehran Mullahs preach the one-position-for-procreation theory of sex, with strict limitations. One of them mused not too long ago that it might be all right if married people see each other naked, but it's much better if they have sexual relations in the dark, preferably with as little skin available as possible.

So true Moonwolf, but I do not know if it demonizes a people, people including Iranians are human like the rest of us. My opinion piece more likely shows a religious nutbar who tries to control what happens in a persons bedroom. In the 70's as a school boy in a Catholic School those Nuns would regale us of tales of "Eternal Hell" for even thinking sexual thoughts and the issue of Birth control etc.

Iran is much the same, trying to control sexual mores, with the exception that Iranian Mullahs they have a right to pull a woman off the bus and imprison her if her Hijab is worn improperly, and if seen with a non relative, well it's the stone quarry for her. Geez if the Catholics did this, there wouldn't be an Irish person left on the face of this earth. Yet Mullahs in the same breath tell young men to die for their God in order to sate their lust with a thousand virgins in Heaven. Smacks of Hypocrisy if your ask me.

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