Panda Returns from Houston Zoo 85% Fatter

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Panda Returns from Houston Zoo 85% Fatter

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Beijing (Digital Dementia News Services) – <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Beijing zoo officials were astonished when Wei Ling, a Chinese panda, was returned to their zoo after an 18-month loan to the Houston zoo.  Patrons of the Beijing zoo audibly gasped when Wei Ling was first put on display after returning from her year and a half long stay in Houston. 

“What have they been feeding her?” wondered Beijing zoo visitor, Chiu Mee.  “Pandas are supposed to eat bamboo, not Big Macs, French fries and Krispy Kremes.” 

Houston zoo officials maintain that Wei Ling was fed only bamboo, though admit that she might have put on a few pounds while in their care and custody.  Harold Reinart, Director of the Houston Zoological Gardens, told reporters, “We have successfully returned Wei Ling to her native China in better physical condition than she was when we received her 18 months ago.  Admittedly, she has put on a little bit of weight, but that is only normal for a healthy, happy bear living in the land of plenty.  I don’t know why the Chinese are complaining.  Hell, I thought they’d be pleased.  She looks a lot more like Buddha now!” 

Privately, some Houston zoo officials concede that perhaps it was not such a great move to feed Wei Ling “deep-fried bamboo with a honey glaze.” 

Wei Ling is said to be scheduled for liposuction early next week.