Aliens To Attack Earth: Tom Cruise Prepares For Worst

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Aliens To Attack Earth: Tom Cruise Prepares For Worst

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Troubling news has surfaced on the galactic front this morning ladies and gentlemen. The maniacal, deposed galactic ruler Xenu is reportedly infuriated at the Earth's "Powers that be," and recent intelligence indicates that he may be subversively plotting a revenge attack against our beloved planet. Though internet rumors have been circulating implicating both, Russian President Vladamir Putin, and Iranian dictator Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in the renewed Xenu revolts, there has been no independent verification. British entertainment publication thisislondon.co.uk is reporting however, that U.S. actor and international superstar Tom Cruise, acting on Intel from his contacts inside the Church of Scientology, has begun construction on an estimated $10 million bunker complex underneath his family home in Telluride Colorado. Though Cruise's publicist denies the claims out of fear that the information will damage the family's cash flow, well placed sources say that this bunker complex will contain enough space and supplies to support 10 humans for the duration of "Xenu's apocalypse." The complex is also reported to operate a highly sophisticated air filtration system that is fully equipped to counter the Xenuian minions almost certain use of intergalactic biological agents. International MIB (Men in Black) forces are said to be closely monitoring the alleged Peruvian meteorite crash  as a possible "First strike." Biological attack by Xenu; hundreds who have visited the crash site have fallen ill.