Flight Attendant Hillary Wouldn't Save a Soul
Married to a flight attendant, I'm familiar with the unofficial motto of those in her profession: "I'm not here to kiss your ass, I'm here to save it!" When I discovered Hillary Clinton had made news for her impersonation of a flight attendant, I began to think about the former first lady and how she might perform as the nation's flight attendant in chief. It didn't take long for me to conclude she wouldn't save a soul.
Hill Force One, the name the Democrat presidential candidate gave her fictitious airline, would be strapped with many problems if it operated in the same manner as she hopes to run the U.S. government. For instance, HFO passengers would:
Pay higher ticket prices than passengers on other airlines due, in part, to imposition of carbon offsets charges and higher fuel costs resulting from a misguided energy policy (think global warming);
Experience long flight delays while waiting for airline personnel to perform the work for which they were hired (think Democrats in charge of Congress);
Find items missing from their luggage as a result of airline personnel taking items from some passengers' bags and putting them inside the bags of other passengers (think redistribution of wealth); and
Fail to receive frequent-flyer program credits promised at the time of their ticket purchases (think "Blame the Bush Administration").
I could go on and on detailing problems that should keep voters from allowing HFO to ever leave the gate (think primary season) and make it to the taxiway (think general election). Instead, I'll simply conclude by taking another portion of the flight attendant's mantra and alter it to suit the 2008 presidential race:
"We know you have a choice when you fly vote; thank you for voting Republican!"