Osama’s Home Shopping Network

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Ak 47 sold on home shopping network

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The most
important issue about the latest Bin Laden tape has been skirted over
and the world at large is just lucky to have such a prescient mind as
mine at the ready to catch it: who does Osama Bin Laden’s beard- dye
and trim job? It is so wonderfully stylish. He looks 20 years younger.
Perhaps only 70… maybe 73.

The lack of hair salons and convenient chemists in the mountains of
Afghanistan and Pakistan are legendary, leading to a tourist trade
limited to Islamic fundamentalists, opium- questing hippies and Boris
Johnson*. One is led to assume, therefore, that over the last 6 years
or so Bin Laden has not only kitted out his cave with the necessary
dialysis machine for his failing kidneys and video editing studio
(running on linux to foil American Imperialism- ahaha ahaha
hahahahahah!) but now, too, a hair salon.

Perhaps the US forces in Afghanistan on Bin Laden’s tail should
start looking out for particularly well groomed shepherds and, with
what one hears about shepherds, particularly well groomed sheep, too.
They should consider, and investigate, the possibility that Bin Laden
has brought in an image consultant to help with his new promotional
idea of “one peaceful Iraq with every Islamic U.S.A. purchased.” It
sounds like a television shopping idea to me. But wait… don’t buy now!
Could Al Qaeda finally be tapping into the American market’s
sensibilities and shopping patterns?

I expect to see the next video with him in a hot- tub with 12
virgins promoting the benefits of an Islamic martyr’s life or, more
precisely, death**. Capitalism creeps in everywhere and, as things
continue forward, Al Qaeda could allow the infidel to pay for their
ignorance with VISA rather than, as is usual, their lifeblood and that
of their families, their friends, their aunts, their dogs and chickens.

Look out Pat Robertson… here comes an Obama for the Whitehouse and an Osama for the lighthouse.***

*- running for mayor of London, has stupid hair… do catch up.

**- that, as always, would be in the small print which is read very
quickly at the end of the advert and never discernible to anyone.

***- seeing the light: a dig a Christians. Yes, I know it’s lame and
doesn’t really work terribly well. So what? It rhymes, it’s 1am in the
morning and I, quite frankly, am beyond caring.