Portion of Bryce Canyon Declared "Off Limits"

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Portion of Bryce Canyon Declared "Off Limits"

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Panguitch, Utah  (Digital Dementia News Services) - The National Park Service announced today that it has agreed to permanently fence off a portion of Bryce Canyon National Park.  The hotly debated decision is seen as a concession to right wing and conservative religious groups who found some of the rock formations in the park offensive. 

The source of the controversy is an unusual rock formation located within the park.  The formation, known informally as “Major Willie” is said to resemble male genitalia.  Although not depicted on park maps, it has become a well known site and is popular with hikers and campers. 

An area covering approximately 80 acres around the offending rock formation will be fenced off in order to assure that the formation cannot be accessed or photographed. 

Pat Robertson hailed the decision as “… the right thing to do.  No self respecting, God fearing man wants his wife or daughters climbing all over an oversized sandstone phallus.” 

The unusual sandstone formation was relatively unknown except to serious outdoor enthusiasts until late 2003 when Lil Kim used the Major Willie site for shooting her controversial music video, “Stick It”.  Since the video’s release, patronage at Bryce Canyon National Park has nearly doubled. 

Bryce Canyon park ranger, Ben Dover, told reporters, “We started getting lots of inquiries about the location of the rock.  Lots of people didn’t know what to call it.  But whether they asked for directions to the “big Johnson” or the “rock weenie” or the “Jurassic Pecker”, we always knew what part of the park they were looking for.  We had wanted to put it on the maps, but National Park Service management wouldn’t let us.”

Some speculate that the decision to fence off the area was reached after a busload of interior decorators and hair stylists from San Francisco descended upon the site for a three-day festival and summer solstice group-grope. 

“Yeah, I think that fairy conga line scene was the last straw as far as NPS management was concerned,” said park ranger, Ben Dover. 

Conservative religious groups, while pleased with the decision, say that a lot remains to be done before our national park system is cleansed of ungodliness and filth.  The Dallas based group, Frothing for Jesus, is said to be urging a review of other national parks and monuments including Big Hole National Battlefield, Chimney Rock, Devil’s Postpile, Virgin Islands National Park and the Moffat Tunnel.