Prize-Winning Cock Displayed at Osage County Fair

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Prize-Winning Cock Displayed at Osage County Fair

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LYNDON KANSAS (Digital Dementia News Services) - Stan Dierrecht, a farmer in north-central Kansas, was awarded the top prize at the Osage County Fair & Exhibition for his magnificent cock. 

Children screamed, men gasped and women fainted when Mr. Stan Dierrecht first entered the show ring with his enormous and well-formed cock. 

“It’s so huge!  I’ve seen a lot of cocks in my life, but I have never seen a cock anywhere near that size!” observed Sue Pine, one of the judges at the Osage Country Fair.  “And I really do like the colors!” 

Standing a full six feet, three and a half inches tall, Mr. Dierrecht’s awesome cock will likely be entered in the Guinness Book of World Records.  Guinness officials are due to arrive in Kansas next week to inspect Mr. Dierrecht’s cock before making their final decision. 

Asked by reporters what he planned to do next with his prize winning cock, Stan Dierrecht said, “I guess I’ll just take it home and play with it for a while.  He’s been cooped up a lot lately and needs the exercise.” 

The shy Kansas farmer told reporters that he had received numerous offers including inquiries from Oprah, Jay Leno, David Letterman and Jerry Springer about displaying his over-sized cock on national television. 

Judges conceded that despite its startling size, Stan Dierrecht’s cock was probably useless.  “It would probably not make for very good eating.  I imagine a cock that size is probably pretty tough and no amount of marinating is going to change that.” 

The proud owner has also been encouraged to display his monstrous cock to the National Agricultural Exhibition scheduled to take place in St. Louis but he expressed concern over the prospect of participating in another exhibition.  “I ain’t made any final decisions yet about putting my cock on the line in St. Louis.  It’s a cut-throat competition with a very heavy emphasis on commercial aspects.  The winning cock is required to be sold at auction at the conclusion of the contest.” Stroking his cock absentmindedly he added, “I just don’t know if I could put my cock on the block like that.”