Religious Differences Run Deep!

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Religious Differences Run Deep!

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BAGHDAD (Digital Dementia News Services) – Religious differences run deep.  The chasm of hatred that divides Shia and Sunni groups in the Muslim world respects no boundaries except the bloody line that divides the two religious sects.  That line splits nations, cities, neighborhoods and families. 

Sociologists and anthropologists previously believed that the corrosive influence of fanatical religious belief was confined to homo sapiens (the only species on the planet known to have been suckered in by religious dogma).  New evidence collected on the mean streets of <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Baghdad indicates otherwise. 

It appears that some squirrels are adherents of Sunni Islam while others are devout Shias.  As with their human counterparts, the Sunni squirrels have a bottomless reservoir full of hate for Shia squirrels.  The Shia squirrels are equally resentful of the Sunni squirrels for the years of injustice inflicted during the rule of Saddam Hussein who it is said preferentially fed Sunni squirrels but routinely shot at or gassed any Shia squirrels who dared enter his garden. 

“We have only recently come to appreciate that the infectious rot of religious belief is not confined to humans,” says Dr. Keenan Schultz, a professor at the University of Pittsburgh.  “Squirrels have been found to be deeply religious and to group themselves scrupulously according to their religious beliefs.” 

Similar religious divides in squirrel populations are now also being studied in other parts of the globe.  Animal behavior researchers in Northern Ireland report that Unionist (protestant) squirrels routinely gang up on and beat the crap out of Catholic squirrels.  Similarly, researchers in Sudan have reported that roving bands of Janjaweed squirrels have been pillaging Islamic squirrel communities, often using gang-rape as a form of intimidation. 

“Just like humans, squirrels are susceptible to being blinded to reason and common sense by their religious beliefs,” says Dr. Schultz.  “Just like humans, squirrels never do evil things so cheerfully and zealously as when they do so out of religious conviction.  The main difference between how inter-faith hatred manifests itself among squirrels as compared to humans stems from the squirrels’ lack of technology to amplify their cruelty.  But for that, the squirrels might behave just like the fanatical religious conservatives employed at McDonalds in the Tulsa area who have been known to deliver “happy meals” laced with dioxin to the homes of secular humanists.”