Truemors
BURBANK, <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />CALIFORNIA (Digital Dementia News Services) – U.S. RobotX, Inc. announced today that they will begin mass-marketing their ground-breaking line of religious robots. Ranging in price from just under $2,000 to well over $10,000, the religious robots are touted as the “modern key to salvation.”
“Your average person in the 21st century is understandably immersed in immediate gluttony, sex and competitive conspicuous consumption,” says U.S. Robotic marketing vice president, Anne Droid. “Hell, aren’t we all? But at the same time, many people harbor a lingering fear that if there really is a God, they’re going to be in some deep shit when the grim reaper comes calling. That’s where our religious robots come in handy. You simply entrust your soul to the robot, let the robot do all the kneeling, praying and believing for you so you can still have fun, lie, cheat and take advantage of the handicapped without jeopardizing your place in heaven!”
The core concept and technology on which religious robots are based was first developed in the early 1990s by Douglas Adams who subsequently sold the rights to U.S. RobotX.
Douglas Adams now lives on his multi-million dollar yacht and spends his days cruising the seven seas, deflowering young maidens of every conceivable hue and flavor on every continent and islet.
Not bad work if you can get it.
Although not yet on the showroom floors, orders for religious robots are swamping retailers and an 8-month backlog has already developed.
“Clearly, there are a lot of people who view the religious robot as a prudent form of risk management,” says Anne Droid. “It’s a simple calculus, really. If you don’t believe in God and you’re right, it’s no big deal. But if you don’t believe in God and you’re wrong, well, then you will be damned to an eternity of unspeakable torment. Clearly, you’re better off believing … you know, just in case. The religious robots from U.S. RobotX can do all the believing for you. Our line robots come with software and CPUs that are capable of believing almost anything, but it does depend on exactly how much you’re prepared to spend. Every good Christian knows that the key to eternal salvation is belief. So it would be unwise to pinch pennies when purchasing your religious robot.”
U.S. RobotX TV advertisements tout their top-of-the-line religious robot as one that is capable of “believing shit that they wouldn’t even believe in Salt Lake City.”
Comments (0)