San Francisco Football Franchise Yields to Popular Pressure

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San Francisco Football Franchise Yields to Popular Pressure

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San Francisco (Digital Dementia News Services) - Yielding to public pressure, owners and management of San Francisco’s professional football franchise have agreed to amend the name of the club and organization.  Commencing with the start of next season, the San Francisco 49ers will become the San Francisco 69ers. 

“We were dragged into this name change kicking and screaming,” says owner John York.  “We have a long and successful history under the 49ers name and we would have stuck with it if it had not been for public pressure.  The people of San Francisco pride themselves on their tolerance for a diversity of perversities.  Our new name reflects this tolerant, gayer-than-thou, anything-goes attitude.” 

When asked whether the change in name will be reflected in the makeup of the team, John York only said, “I don’t know where the fuck we’re supposed to find a gay quarterback, but I guess we’re going to have to try.  We’ve only found one potential gay quarterback candidate so far, but when our head coach asked him if he could pass a football, the big fairy said, ‘Hell, I guess if I can swallow it, I can pass it.’  I’m pretty sure he’s not going to fit in well with offensive line and they’re all pretty offensive in their own ways.” 

The club’s legal team is already engaged in contentious negotiations over the broadcast rights and censorship rules that will be applicable to San Francisco 69ers half-time shows next season. 

Despite much popular support within San Francisco for the change of name, not every one is pleased.  Many die-hard 49ers fans are disgruntled. 

“It’s terrible!” complains Sean Osgood, a local 49ers fan.  “I just hope my kids don’t ask what it means.  What am I supposed to tell them?” 

Others took a more philosophical outlook.  “At least the new name refers to something most people can relate to,” says Tina Johnson.  “It’s a lot better than the first and second runners-up in the new name sweepstakes.  They were nearly going to be called the San Francisco Sodomites or worse, the Bay Area Butt-Fuckers.”