2008's Top 10 Stupidest Sports Stories

by Jon Azpiri | December 11, 2008 at 06:11 pm

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It's hard not to marvel at the athleticism and skill of sports stars. The average athlete toils for years just for a chance to compete at the highest level for a fleeting moment. When you think about it, athletes can be rather noble. They can also be total dumbasses.

Here is a list of the dumbest sports stories of 2008:

1. Plaxico Burress Shoots Himself in the Leg Ah, sweet Plaxico. Where did it all go wrong? Was it when you went to a New York strip club and acted like an ass? Or was it when you went to a posh Manhattan nightclub and accidentally shot yourself in the leg? Or was it when you went to the hospital and told staff treating your gunshot wound that your name was Harris Smith? It's hard to say. To me, the worst thing about this whole mess is that you were wearing sweatpants the whole time. You put your gun in the waistband of your sweatpants as a holster and were surprised when your gun fell down your leg and went off. Then there's the fact that you were wearing sweatpants in one of the poshest bar in New York. Really, Plax. You should be ashamed of yourself.

2. Donovan McNabb Admits He Didn't Know NFL Games Could End In a Tie

This is hard to prove, but I believe that if you asked most doughy middle-aged men if they could have played pro sports, they would probably say yes. They'd then give you some convoluted excuse for why they never made it to the big time. Of course, they're dead wrong. The skill set and knowledge base of most professional athletes is far beyond anything your average fan could ever imagine. That's what was so satisfying about Donovan McNabb's admission that he didn't know NFL games could end in a tie. For once, fans could say they knew more about football than a starting NFL quarterback and the could keep telling themselves they could have made it to the Show if it wasn't for that trick knee and/or low SAT score and/or unplanned pregnancy.

3. New England Patriots Cheerleader Fired For Incriminating Facebook Photo

A New England Patriots cheerleader became a former New England Patriots cheerleader after some embarrassing photos of her popped up on Facebook. The photos showed 19-year-old Caitlin Davis appearing to write profanities all over a friend who was passed out on a couch. Davis and a friend appeared to have written the words “penis,” ‘I’m a Jew’ and a pair of swastikas on the sleeping victim. Note to Davis: don't associate yourself with Nazi imagery when your boss, Bob Kraft, is a longtime member of the Anti-Defamation League.

4. Soccer Star Ronaldo is Caught With Three Transvestite Prostitutes

Bad: Soliciting three Brazilian prostitutes. Worse: finding out that the prostitutes you've just solicited are transvestites. Even worse: Bribing the transvestites to keep quiet about the whole affair. Epic Fail: Having the police get involved and discuss the case during a nationally-televised press conference. Welcome to the world of soccer great Ronaldo.

5. Visanthe Shiancoe Exposes His Penis on National TV

Who's really to blame here? Is it Shiancoe for being careless with his towel or is it FOX TV for deciding it's a good idea to broadcast exclusive footage from the winning team's locker room immediately after the game. Whenever there are TV cameras in a locker room, the unwritten rule is that you shoot athletes from the neck up in case there is any stray genitalia in the background. FOX thought it was a great idea to get a wide shot of the Vikings locker room as the team owner addressed the team. How did they expect this not to happen?

6. Buck Burnette Writes Racist Message on His Facebook Page Like Caitlin Davis, Burnette doesn't seem to realize that Facebook is read by people other than himself. The reserve Longhorns lineman was thrown off the team after he posted a message advocating the assassination of President-elect Barack Obama. He even managed to throw in a racial epithet for good measure.

7. Skiier Jumps Off Wrong Cliff and Accidentally Breaks Record This move was so stupid that it went all the way around and became smart again. Extreme skiier Fred Syversen had planned an impressive cliff jump in the Alps that was going to be recorded by a film crew. Syversen got his signals mixed up and careened off the wrong cliff at and fell a staggerin 107 meters. He was found unconscious buried in more than two meters of snow. When he woke up, Syversen learned he had unintentionally set a world record for cliff drops.

8. ESPN's Chris Berman Loses His Mind Proving that stupidity has no expiration date, the vintage video of ESPN anchor Chris Berman yelling at his staff has become an Internet classic. Enjoy.

9. Brett Favre's Retirement/Unretirement Basically, Brett Favre became that crazy girlfriend (or boyfriend) that we've all had. They keep threatening to break up with you until you eventually stop caring. Packers fans went from being angry about Favre's flip-flopping to being indifferent. In true crazy-ex fashion, Favre even dumped a dead animal inside the locker of teammate.

10. Sean Avery's "Sloppy Seconds" Comment What was sad about Avery's hijinks is how transparent they were. It was obvious that he had been planning his little rant for a while. Of course, it would have been nice if he had actually rehearsed his speech, since his delivery of his infamous "sloppy seconds" line was so weak. Instead of a smartass, he sounded like a fifth-grader reading a book report in front of his class. Of course, what's sadder is that everyone collectively lost their minds after he made the poorly-rehearsed remark, giving him all the attention that he wanted.

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