Mark Whicker Pens 'Worst Sports Column Ever Written'

by Jon Azpiri | September 10, 2009 at 09:21 am

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A recent column by Orange County Register columnist Mark Whicker is so bad that it's being circulated around the web under the title 'Worst Sports Column Ever Written.' After reading the Mark Whicker column, it's easy to see why.

So why is it the Worst Sports Column Ever Written? Well, here's what it's about. Mark Whicker decided to use the Jaycee Dugard story as a way to reminisce about the last 18 years in sports. Whicker notes that Dugard missed a lot of developments in the sports world and write a few quips and notes about the wild and the wacky in the world of sports over the last twenty or so years.

The problem: Jaycee Dugard was kidnapped at the age of 11, impregnated and forced to spend 18 years living in a shed in her captor's yard. Not exactly a great way to set up a trip down memory lane.

Dugard's stepfather says she's going to need a lot of therapy — you think? — so perhaps she should take a respite before confronting the new realities. So, Jaycee, whenever you're ready, here's what you've missed:

•Barry Bonds, who was just leading the Pirates to their second NL East title, wound up breaking Henry Aaron's home run record. How did such a skinny guy manage that? We'll deal with that later.

•Well, actually, some baseball players began taking drugs in order to hit more home runs and throw faster fastballs. Football players, who had cornered the market on most of their drugs, began driving drunk, slapping their wives, selling drugs, and killing people. The baseball players caught more grief.

•Michael Jordan did indeed win the big one, and five others.

•Yeah, this golfer really is named Tiger Woods.

•Stock car drivers now marry international models and are invited to the White House.

Mark Whicker then continues with a few more quips that seem like warmed-over leftovers from a Rick Reilly column. He then ends the column with a reference to Dugardee being trapped in her captor's backyard:

•And ballplayers, who always invent the slang no matter what ESPN would have you believe, came up with an expression for a home run that you might appreciate.

Congratulations, Jaycee. You left the yard.

Not surprisingly, readers were outraged at Mark Whicker's column. The comment section of the story was lit up, Twitter exploded with comments, and Whicker was ultimately forced to write an apology.

It would also be nice to see other media members join in on the backlash. After all, media members like Buzz Bissinger and Bob Costas never seem to miss a chance to talk about irresponsible bloggers. But somehow they have been mum when it comes to a sports columnist who uses a young girl's tragedy as a way to crack wise about Tiger Woods having a funny name.

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