Baseball’s All-Stars Cancel Steroid Game
Citi Field, New York -- Major League Baseball has canceled its newest All-Star attraction.
Called the Steroid Juice-Off, the event would have showcased how Performance-Enhancing Drugs turn ordinary mooks into muscle-bound Babe Ruth’s.
“We thought it would be a lot of fun,” said baseball commissioner Bud Seelig. “But the Players Association pointed out that by participating in a steroid competition, players would be revealing that they were users of performance-enhancing drugs.
“And as everybody knows, no one in baseball uses steroids anymore. We took care of that issue years ago.”
The Juice-Off would’ve been conducted using the format of a hot dog eating contest, but instead of frankfurters the competitors would be offered an unlimited supply of pills, powders and injectables.
“We’d have them load up on the PED’s, then go out and hit a couple of dingers, then come back in for another dose to power up some more hitting,” Seelig explained. “We would repeat the process until the last man was standing.”
The Commissioner noted that the cancellation came at the last minute. “We had everything ready to go,” he said. “A-Rod hooked us up with this guy in Florida who gave us a great deal on stuff.”