Birth certificate typo reshapes Mitt Romney’s campaign
Washington, DC - A typographical error discovered on Mitt Romney’s birth certificate yesterday has reshaped the Republican nominee’s presidential campaign.
Due to the omission of a single, small “m,” the document defines Romney as “a Moron” instead of “a Mormon.”
Federal election laws require a 90 day waiting period before a presidential candidate can change any item relating to birth status. That means that Romney must complete his campaign running as a Moron.
“This may be a blessing in disguise, because it will differentiate our candidate from the president,” said one leading Republican strategist. “Obama has spent almost four years making rational, well-thought-out decisions. With a Moron heading our ticket, we offer the exact opposite of that, giving voters a clear choice.”
The candidate himself is apparently comfortable with the new designation. “This is what I call true change, going from the rational to the ridiculous, from the logical to the ludicrous,” Romney declared. “We’ve had four years of smart in the White House. Maybe it’s time for four years of dumb.”
Appearing at yet another of his hastily called news conferences, Romney pointed out that “it’s who you know, not what you think” that makes a great leader. “I think the presidency of George W. Bush bears that out.”
Romney went on to point out Incidents in his own life, which authenticate his credentials as a Moron. They Included:
-- Strapping the family dog to the roof of his car during a long vacation drive. “I was going to put Ann up there too, but I ran out of Milk Bones,” Romney said.
-- Believing that “Swing State” is an old Louis Armstrong album.
-- Insulting the British during a pseudo-diplomatic junket to the Olympics. “I thought they were doing the winter games, and had mis-scheduled everything,” the Republican nominee said.
-- Alienating almost half of the American voting public by casting them as parasites on society. “Only a true Moron would do something like that,” said Romney.
This isn’t the first time a typo has affected Romney’s identity. When he was forming his venture capital firm, he originally wanted to call it Brain Capital. But an error by a legal clerk changed the name to Bain. “I enjoy taking care of folks who make mistakes like that. So I sent the clerk over to Dick Cheney for a little hunting lesson.”