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Carolyn Bourne vs Heidi Withers: Epic Mother-in-Law Email
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by Jordan Yerman | June 30, 2011 at 12:09 pm
18533 views | 2 Recommendations | 18 comments
Carolyn Bourne's Email to Heidi Withers: Future Mother-in-Law Slams Future Daughter
When Heidi Withers visited her fiance Freddie Bourne's family, apparently she rubbed them the wrong way. Freddie's stepmother (and Heidi's future mother-in-law) sent Heidi a withering email, berating every aspect of her manners.
Heidi Withers forwarded the epic mother-in-law email to her friends at work, who forwarded it to their friends... and you see where this is going. Carolyn Bourne (who comes off as the Gordon Ramsay of manners) became a viral sensation.
Here's a sample of Carolyn Bourne's email, but you have to click through and read the whole thing:
If you want to be accepted by the wider Bourne family I suggest you take some guidance from experts with utmost haste.
There are plenty of finishing schools around. You would be an ideal candidate for the Ladette to Lady television series.
[...] One could be accused of thinking that Heidi Withers must be patting herself on the back for having caught a most eligible young man. I pity Freddie.
Now that's the Bourne Ultimatum.
So, who is more at fault here? Heidi Withers for sending this email to her friends, or Carolyn Bourne for writing it? Should Heidi have known that the email would spread beyond the walls of her office? Should Carolyn have predicted that the email would be shared?
To most of us, both scenarios should seem highly predictable, but obviously it wasn't to those involved.
I think that Heidi Withers should have known before clicking Forward that the email would end up in the inboxes of total strangers. She should have known that she was about to air another family's dirty laundry.
Carolyn Bourne, for her part, was way out of line in sending such a mean email, regardless of the perceived offenses. That email is just nasty, no two ways about it.
The major takeaway from this, and it's a lesson we can all stand to take on board: "No-one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour."
Update: Alan Withers, Heidi's father, has weighed in on the issue, defending his daughter. He describes Carolyn Bourne as "snotty", dubbing her "Miss Fancy-Pants".
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Most RecentMost Recommended Comments (18)
at 13:35 on June 30th, 2011
Seriously, this Caroline Bourne needs to get over herself... we are not in nineteenth century Britain! ...and she would probably do well to remember that this young woman who she is so roundly berating is likely the future mother of her GRANDCHILDREN! ... Heidi will have the last say on how much or LITTLE access the mother in law has to them!!
at 14:00 on June 30th, 2011
A real woman with grace and poise would have politely confronted her future daughter-in-law face-to-face about anything she took offense to. She most certainly would not have taken a cowardly passive-aggressive stance by sending an email. Hiding behind the invisible barriers of the internet is very rude and rather low. She's allowed to dictate her version of manners to her son's future bride but is exempt from following them herself?! Please... (And if you read the email, she chastises her about taking second helpings, asking for more food.. are you trying to starve your guest? What a b*tch!)
at 15:31 on June 30th, 2011
email and sms are not the appropriate way to handle issues, very poor manners. Although forwarding the email shows equal poor taste and judgement. after experiencing attack via sms myself from two nasty step daughters I feel for both these women. The only ones being hurt here are Freddie, step son and fiancee, and other family members. Both these women need to apologise face to face and move on. Heidi show her what your made of next time you receive an email talk to your partner then delete it and go speak to the woman. Since when do we fight electronically it makes people feel as if they can say the most horrendous things about others and not be accountable.
at 17:16 on June 30th, 2011
Bourne is the one in the wrong here. It is bad manners to point out another's faux pas. If she had fed her guest properly, at least one thing would have been a non-issue. I hope Freddie has Heidi's back on this.
at 17:59 on June 30th, 2011
www.whetmanpinks.com/index.php?target=pages&page_id=Culturalinformation&selected_section=discussion&page=1The stepmother has a website with comments
at 18:01 on June 30th, 2011
www.whetmanpinks.com/index.php?target=pages&page_id=Culturalinformation&selected_section=discussion&page=1The stepmother has a website with comments
at 18:34 on June 30th, 2011
Future "step"mother-in-law, please!
at 19:12 on June 30th, 2011
bourne makes sense in every meaning of it, the only mistake she made is airing them on email. He would definitely call off the wedding if he loved his mother.
at 20:09 on June 30th, 2011
Having a private email circulated would do little dispel the MIL's concerns. The email was harsh but Heidi's response is no better. A much better solution would have been for all concerned to sit down and discuss everything in an adult manner. It is not constructive to just throw insults at each other and the son should step in in a positive way. I've had my own in-law problems and have always found that talking and getting everything out in the open is the best answer - also keeping it confined to the people concerned and not inviting the whole world into the conversation. I think there is too much temptation to air grievances in public and the end result doesn't benefit anyone.
at 21:38 on June 30th, 2011
I think this girl can forget about her new in-laws paying for her wedding in a castle, and inheriting money from their businesses. The email was the entirely wrong way to broach this subject, but the points in it, when boiled down are true.
at 21:40 on June 30th, 2011
Responding by sending this email to the media only further proves the point the mother-in-law made. I would be mortified to have my name indelibly linked to this furore on the internet whether I was either of these women. The daughter-in-law's actions show she hoped to publicly shame the mother-in-law, but she's done no justice to herself either - she looks just as bad. A lesson to us all - think very carefully before pushing send!
at 15:11 on July 1st, 2011
She did not send the email to the media, she sent the email to a friend and the viciousness of the email just ensured it would be passed on for all the world to read. The daughter-in-law waited 2 weeks to cool off before crafting a letter together with her fiance in response. Maybe find out facts before putting your opinion out there. Maybe think carefully before pushing send!
at 23:10 on June 30th, 2011
Carolyn is classy and Heidi is trashy. Enough said!
at 08:34 on July 1st, 2011
Heidi has DIFFERING ideas about manners and relaxing among what she hopes will be her future family.If we are thirsty and end up at the inlaw's do we ask if we can make a cup of tea, or do we sit on tenter hooks and politely wait to be asked to have our thirst quenched while we slowly de-hydrate or do we go straight to the kettle and help ourselves? It all depends on how well we know each other and how comfortable we are.Emails and texts are TOO quick a medium. Time is needed in this hectic world to reflect on matters.Carolyn sounds stuck up and emailing was definitely was not the right approach. Where are a 60 year old woman's manners? Heidi sounds immature and irresponsible and ill-mannered.At the end of the day, Freddie is the one who chose Heidi and he doesn't seem to have an issue with her.Carolyn needs to stand back and look at where she went wrong in her first marriage - was her own mother in law over-bearing!
at 15:59 on July 1st, 2011
How on earth did this go viral? Did the future daughter-in-law do this little deed to get even? Doesn't anyone see anything wrong with that? I think there is something wrong in the relationship as a whole -- and even though the future mother-in-law has a strong opinion -- there is more to this than is being told. First and foremost, the daughter-in-law should have taken it up privately, not publically. It sounds as if she, too, has strong opinions and was hell-bent on sticking it her mother-in-law just to show her. And that there was bound to be troubles no matter what. Shame on the BOTH of them.
at 16:00 on July 1st, 2011
How on earth did this go viral? Did the future daughter-in-law do this little deed to get even? Doesn't anyone see anything wrong with that? I think there is something wrong in the relationship as a whole -- and even though the future mother-in-law has a strong opinion -- there is more to this than is being told. First and foremost, the daughter-in-law should have taken it up privately, not publically. It sounds as if she, too, has strong opinions and was hell-bent on sticking it her mother-in-law just to show her. And that there was bound to be troubles no matter what. Shame on the BOTH of them.
at 16:03 on July 1st, 2011
How on earth did this go viral? Did the future daughter-in-law do this little deed to get even? Doesn't anyone see anything wrong with that? I think there is something wrong in the relationship as a whole -- and even though the future mother-in-law has a strong opinion -- there is more to this than is being told. First and foremost, the daughter-in-law should have taken it up privately, not publically. It sounds as if she, too, has strong opinions and was hell-bent on sticking it her mother-in-law just to show her. And that there was bound to be troubles no matter what. Shame on the BOTH of them.
at 16:08 on July 1st, 2011
Oops, I apologize for the duplicate posts. New here and this site kept replying my comment was from a spammer and that my name was taken. So I kept trying to post until all of the sudden I have posted 3 times. So sorry.