China Sending Men to the Moon to Build a Lunar iPad Factory
Beijing -- China has revealed the purpose of its manned missions to the moon. The Chinese want to construct their next electronics assembly plant there as the first step toward using the moon as a manufacturing zone.
“It’s no secret that our country is running out of room and resources here on Earth,” said Pon Singh, Director of the Chinese space agency Flaming Dragon In The Heavens.
“We have two choices: colonize the moon or invade America. We quickly realized that destroying our number one customer is not in our best interest. So it’s hello moon.”
The United States space agency NASA successfully launched a series of manned moon missions in the late 60s and early 70s, but has since abandoned its ability to put people into space. It acts now more as a travel agent, booking seats for its “astronauts” on Russian flights to the International Space Station.
“We got our last astronaut a tremendous package deal,” a NASA spokesman said. “Round-trip coach on a vintage 60s space capsule. All meals included. Free spacewalks. Instant weight loss program. Complimentary Wi-Fi. It’s like Club Med without the gravity.”
NASA’s lack of actual space knowledge did not stop it from offering advice to the Chinese. “They told us it gets cold up there, to bring an extra blanket,” Singh said.
The Chinese are outsourcing some aspects of its lunar program, which may give America a chance to become part of the mission. “We are considering using NASA to clean our spacesuits,” Singh said. “But they need to develop a foolproof ticketing system so our suits don’t get mixed up with the other laundry.”
China’s planned lunar base and industrial park will have a secondary function. “We plan to install some powerful telescopes up there so we can observe the Americans 24/7,” Singh said. “We need to keep an eye on how they’re spending our money.”