Iran Missile Blast Caused by Faulty Waffle Maker - Or Not
Tehran, Iran - A devastating explosion that leveled a missile firing range near Iran’s capital city was caused by a waffle iron, rather than by sabotage which had first been feared.
The appliance short-circuited during a ballistics test, igniting the wrong end of a solid fuel rocket, according to an investigation by US intelligence operatives.
“The Iranians often use household items to activate their weapons systems because they have been shut out of the legitimate market for sophisticated electronic controls,” an unnamed CIA source said.
“In this case, it looks like someone tried to pour syrup on the waffle before it was out of the appliance. The end must’ve come as quite a shock.”
Iranian officials are disputing the finding, charging that America is covering up “the true cause of the test base explosion -- a lucky shot by a US Air Force drone.”
“My people aren’t even allowed to eat waffles,” said Maj. Sundra Dee, an Iranian security commander. “Pancakes, yes. French toast, okay. Maybe even the occasional bagel. But waffles, no way.”
A US State Department official disagreed. “We have been monitoring this site as part of our Waffles of Mass Distraction effort,” she said.
“The program encourages Iranians to eat a big breakfast. That makes them too sleepy to work on their nuclear missile project. In fact, most of them go straight back to bed, where they stay until lunch.”
Major Dee responded with outrage to the American claim. “The Americans are trying to turn my country into an International House of Pancakes. We will not permit it. We will fight back.”
Dee explained that before the explosion Iranian scientists have been close to developing intercontinental ballistic kebabs. “We are going to hit Col. Sanders right in the extra crispy. We shall see who’s going to win this food fight in the end.”
The State Department spokeswoman said the United States is confident that it will retain its advantage: “Breakfast continues to be the most important meal of the day. Would you like bacon with that?”