the journey within - part 2
the gift of forgetting
You know, i really don't care anymore some of you label me 'crazy'; i've been fighting this war against Satanic forces for generations of past lives. In this life, around 45 years - ever since my grandma whispered in my ear (at 3 years old) the 'secret of life': God Is Love. Since that time, demons have attacked me in: night terrors, character attacks, morale attacks, 'seduction attempts' (such as when a 'friend' invited me to give him a blow-job as a child), sibling attacks (such as when my middle-brother forced 'gay sex' (not actual anal intercourse but bad enough) on me), (and if you can believe it - i truly have nothing against gay or lesbian even after all that shit), and continuous tormenting by peers when i was a child. It took me years to forgive those tormenters. But in a sense - really no time at all because they were all being Satanically manipulated. As i told you before: the enemy is not the person hurting you - it is the idea/force manipulating them .. My earliest past-life memories were as Moses' dog (so i was joking in one essay but serious here) Samuel "Sam" for short (any wonder my nickname in this life is sam?) .. At that time Moses promised me "Sam, you'll have your chance - I promise you." (he was referring to the war against Satan). i cannot guarantee that was word-for-word because past-life memories are a little fuzzy and get confused with imagination but i'm fairly certain that 'conversation' with Moses took place. (If you can consider a dog's whining, barking, and sympathetic tones 'their side' of the conversation.) Fast forward to WWII where i was a gas chamber operator for the Nazis. Don't automatically say "Sam! You're an evil person!" because i was the only operator to openly object to what we were doing, get stoned (beaten in the head) by Jewish women who did not believe i was a Jew-sympathizer in a concentration camp (this was after a coworker informed on me), and left for dead. Someone dragged my body out or i crawled through barbed wire - but somehow i made it to a train station where i believe i was shot in the head by a Nazi border guard .. So you can see now why i subtitled this essay "the gift of forgetting". If we all remembered our past lives in this detail, the mental hospitals would be overflowing with patients (as in one excellent newer Twilight Zone / Outer Limits (i cannot remember which)). Perhaps if we were all as emotionally detached to our past-lives, we could handle remembering. i haven't used any hypnotherapy - just must be the right time in my life (this life) or perhaps a direct result of previous meditation (or both). Again, if you can believe it, i have nothing against Jews (even being stoned in the head in a past-life by Jews) or demoralized by them in this life (i've encountered too many arrogant materialistic Jews). After all, Jesus was a Jew and get this - i was his sandal maker! (He liked my sandals!:) i'll never forget his smile when he picked up his last pair. How could you forget that smile! Now many of you are reading this presently for pure entertainment value and delight in mocking me - but i assure you - you are employed by Satan if you do this. i cannot guarantee these 'memories' are valid but i Guarantee you i am fighting a war with Satanic forces. Their 'psychic' attacks on me are becoming more frequent. They must feel threatened by my essays..
You see, they feed off fear, mistrust, envy, greed,.. - all 'negative' emotions - this is 'orgasmic material' for them. Any time you're afraid, they 'get off' on this. If you're a masochist and enjoy pain, you're basically working for Satan because you're providing energy for Satanic forces. If you continually go to theme-parks for roller-coaster rides and enjoy the thrill and fear of the rides, you're working for Satan (for the same reason). Talk about 'battery' in the Matrix; you're a super-lithium / generator for Satan! i know this all sounds totally wacko for many but if you've been haunted by demons your entire life, you'd understand.
Remember my reference to the two 'beach babes' at Bal Harbor and what their psychic said about me? That's why i really could not understand it; i've spent my life (and many past lives) fighting Satanic forces. True, i've spent a few hours inside a go-go bar admiring the women (who are basically tricked and exploited) but many more hours outside the bar arguing with them about materialism. They always 'win' the argument because i cannot provide 'proof' to them anti-materialism is an inherently better way of life. i refuse to bring Jesus into the argument on principle so my position appears weak. But i assure you - only appears. If they could see with spiritual eyes - my heart right now - they would see a blinding Light inside. i call it "the Christ heart" and He lends it to me on occasion, when i need. (As i've repeatedly said, i'm not a Christian but believe we are All Children of God.) Sometimes i need to think of myself as Spouse of God because She, at times like these, seems to be my only true Friend.
Demons usually attack me in the night when i'm sleeping or about to fall asleep. This transition period must be a 'weak moment' for humans when they are easily preyed upon. i've sensed clearly evil entities hovering above me or near me sometimes resembling eels or black snakes. On rare occasion, i've allowed possession 'just to see what happens' but it's nothing 'life transforming' (as in possession by the Holy Spirit): i experience an intense buzzing sensation and 'ecstacy' from the entity but it's a false elation. (As if they've beaten Me - which can't happen.) She's infinitely powerful in her Love .. i've only had two direct conversations with Satan that i can remember: one was at night in a hotel in St. Charles, MO and another in Davie, FL also at night. The first conversation is very fuzzy in my mind (i remember Jesus' smile much better). Just something about power on Earth.. The second conversation was also about power but this time i remember him saying "You show me." (i think he was referring to power over human beings.) It's funny because i have absolutely no power over people .. Even when i worked at the gas-chamber, i died inside when i heard the screams and died again when i had to carry the bodies, foam on mouth, contorted faces and limbs.. i think you get the picture. We human beings can behave in a sick (mentally sick) manner - most if not all of my Nazi coworkers truly believed we were on God's side of the war. We did it for Germany and we did it for God. (NOT for Hitler.) So you can see now why i've attacked major world religions (and Americans) in Better Way. Ideologies and rabid adherence to religion have killed at least ten times the number in conflict over resources. Perhaps the ratio is closer to 100:1 .. One more thing about mental illness. You tell me what is sick: is it sick to use a child's gifts against themselves (as in creativity, curiosity, even compassion) because that's what Satan's done with humanity even from before we started writing. The Standard Model in physics is only one example of Satanic manipulation. So this war against Satan that i'm fighting is not just over human potential, it's also based on principle: i fight Satan because he's mentally ill. Only a sick mind would trick a child to harm him/herself. Only a sick mind would use that child's gifts to hurt themselves .. i don't know if it's his expansive lifespan or perhaps his resentment of God or us .. But he's one mother sick fuck. And i will beat that mother fuck into oblivion - if it's the last thing i do.