Mitt Romney Converts from Mormon to Evangelicalism
by Karen Fish
Following in the footsteps of President Barack Obama who ran out of Jeremiah Wright’s Trinity United Church of Christ in order to become President in 2008 today Mitt Romney was born again into Evangelicism. In a public dunking in the Jordan River today New Jersey Governor Chris Christie dunked Governor Mitt Romney into the Jordan River and held his head under water for at least a minute to wash away all signs of Mormonism.
In 2010 the Reverend Jeremiah Wright wrote that “The president threw me under the bus. No one in the Obama administration will respond to me, listen to me, talk to me or read anything that I write to them. I am ‘toxic’ in terms of the Obama administration.” Last week Secretary Clinton complained that the Obama administration had tried to engage the leaders of Iran in direct discussion but that the US doesn’t know who is in charge of Iran and no Iranian will be seen in public with an American.
Last week Mitt Romney accused President Obama of throwing Israel under the bus for telling them to go back to the 1967 borders. That must be some really huge bus, a magic bus. Mitt Romney has been running for president for 5 years now and he cannot break through 25% of the Republican voters because of his former Mormon faith. He can’t even get by a lying, ignorant misogynist.
Today Mitt Romney said in Jerusalem “Today I was on the road to Damascus but I got turned back by al Qaeda. I was fired upon by a barrage of bullets but miraculously it seemed that all the bullets somehow passed right through my body without even touching me. All of a sudden I saw a bright white light shining above me. It was an Israeli helicopter carrying Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahoo!”
Mitt Romney continued: “The Prime Minister of Israel said to me ‘Mitt about the Mormon President thing, forget about it, it’s not happening. Open your eyes man. They don’t want a Mormon. They want a born again Evangelical. Are you blind misheganah? How many races do you need to lose? Convert to Evangelical and you win going away like Secretariat, like Pegasus, like Jesus on his horse from Heaven. It’s a landslide man.’ The funny thing is that when I thanked Prime Minister Netanyahu for saving my life and my career he said ‘What helicopter?”