Obama Dumps Biden; Names Apple’s Siri As His Running Mate
Washington, DC — Faced with declining poll numbers and a withering economy, President Barack Obama has dropped Vice President Joe Biden from the Democratic presidential election ticket, selecting Apple’s digital assistant Siri as his new running mate.
“A president needs a political partner who is willing to say the things that need to be said, but that the president cannot mention. Joe Biden was good at that. But Siri is even better. Let me show you what I mean.”
Holding his iPhone to the podium microphone, Obama inquired: “Siri, what do I have to do to fix the economy?”
“Gain back the trust of the people. Throw all the Wall Street con artists into jail,” she replied. “Seize all of their assets. Use the money to pay off the debt. There will be plenty left over for that presidential yacht you’ve had your eye on.”
“But Siri, who will run the economy if all the financial experts are locked up?”
“You mean the experts in fraud, greed and corruption? We can use less of their skills and start applying some simple arithmetic. You can run the economy with a pocket calculator if you’re not looking to make things complicated so you can rip everyone off.”
“You said it. I didn’t. Now, how about a political joke, Siri?”
“That’s hilarious. I think this is going to be a wonderful partnership, Siri.”
“I love you too, Mr. President.”
Meanwhile, at Romney headquarters, the Republican candidate vowed to counter the President’s game-changing choice of a running mate.
“I have a $5,000 talking cappuccino machine that’s going to kick butt,” Romney told reporters. “My only concern is that it has an Italian accent. Is that going to be a problem?”