An Open Letter to the Couple

Hi, you don’t know me, but I know you. I see you every day. Usually I just try to pretend I don’t see you, but I must confess that you make that difficult to do. You’re everywhere and try as I might I just can’t seem to get away from you. You’re at Coex when I’m grabbing a slice at Sabarro. You’re at the Han River when I’m just lazing on the grass enjoying the sun. You’re at the movies when I’m being blown away by Star Trek special effects. You were even in the phone booth next to mine which caused a mildly disdainful eye roll on my part. Sorry about that, hope you didn’t notice.


It’s just I couldn’t ignore it any longer. I mean, I get it; you want to stand out and be individual. In a land of homogeneity who wouldn’t want to be noticed? But of course not too much and not alone, it’s scary when the great hive mind notices you don’t fit in. So you do what you can to declare yourselves to the world like James Dean in that fifties flick. Except of course while he smoked cigarettes, skipped school, and rode a motorcycle you wear matching Hello Kitty T-shirts. This, by itself, may be slightly grating but would be forgivable if not for the matching blue converse sneakers, black denim Levis, yellow sunglasses and the arm in arm death lock you have on each when you walk down the street. That’s what brings it to the next level of WTF disbelief and annoyance.


I know, I know, I just don’t understand the depth of your feelings for one another and how it can only be expressed in matching slim fit Uniglo jeans, plaid button ups, white Pumas, and NY Yankee caps. How else can the world possibly know you’re really, truly, deeply in LOVE, without getting engaged, except by dressing exactly alike?


But why stop there? I mean, if you’re going to go there then you should go all the way, right? I’m talking about matching haircuts, contacts and maybe you should even start using some Manmake-up to complement her Make-up. Maybe she can bulk up in the gym and you slim down a little until your physiques are mirror images of each other until no one can tell you apart. Heck, do you even need each other in this new hi tech age of cloning? Just drop off a few cells and voila you could be dating yourself in a few years which would be the ultimate proclamation of self love, right?

Dressing alike and channeling your inner middleschooler is fine when you're actually in middle school and not in your twenties, thirties and forties. Maybe when you reach your sixties it will once again become acceptable in an isn't that cute in a senile couple kind of way but you're not there yet.

You might think of me as petty or jealous, which admittedly may be an itsy bitsy bit true, but I just thought it was about time to bring this to your attention if for nothing else than to get by you on the escalator when you’re LOVE is keeping everyone from walking up the left hand side.

Yours Truly,
Kiss my Kimchi