An Open Letter to Flower Boys

Pardon me for being so forward. I don’t mean to interrupt your wistful gazing of your reflection in your cup of coffee or perhaps your deep contemplation of the latest strapless oversized leather Murse, but I feel compelled to make a suggestion that will hopefully make both our lives easier or at least a little less awkward: You need a pin. Nothing big and garish that would clash with your melon colored shirt and slim fit jeans. I’m thinking of a simple discreet little “I’m a Flower Boy” button you can wear when you’re out and about during the day.

You might find it odd that I ask such a thing of you. You probably think it’s obvious that your high maintenance, perfectly executed cultivated look would speak for itself, but please, be patient and I will explain. You see, Flower Boys of Korea, you have royally screwed up my Gaydar. That time in Coffee Bean when your smooth flawless face, with strategically placed lock of hair curled on your forehead, long thick lashes, artfully arched eyebrows, and dazzling white teeth smiled in my direction from across the room I foolishly assumed it was directed at me and not my tie. My mistake, but can you really blame me for going over and introducing myself or for squeezing a couple of seconds longer than necessary when we shook hands or for following it up with an inviting smile? Personally, I don’t think it helped your naturally passive and meek Flower Boy demeanor came across as flirtatiously coy. Once again, my mistake, but all of that could have been avoided if you were wearing a simple button.

It’s a little thing, really, it is. I mean, it’s not like I want you to change. I couldn’t stand to see you all slovenly and disheveled. I’m sure an untucked shirt would cause your puppy dog face to droop and I’m confident leaving your oversized murse at home would put you into a coma. Oh, and while I’m on the subject, please forgive me for asking, but what exactly do you keep in that thing? Believe me; I’m not trying to disparage your image defining fashion accessory. I’m simply curious. I mean, those murses are just so big that I figure you’ve found a more convenient way to cart around your baby unlike the ajummas who strap them to their backs. You don’t have to answer this publicly if you don’t want to. I’ll find you window shopping in Apgujeong or perhaps having coffee in Insadong and ask to take a quick peek inside. I assure you, whatever it is you do keep in your murse you can trust me to keep it just between us.

Getting back to the matter at hand, I hope you take my suggestion to heart. I never had this problem back home. I’ll work on fine tuning my gaydar. You’re just so gosh darn pretty that my instincts scream GAY! Though, I have to be honest, sometimes when I see you walking by so well put together and picture perfect that I’d rather place you in the display case of Giordano or Uniglo than ask you out.

Kind regards,

Kiss My Kimchi