Patricia Weber Letter to La Jolla Light: Racism & Moon Colonies

by NowPublic Staff | June 26, 2012 at 11:32 am

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Patricia Weber Pens Paranoid, Racist, Homophobic Letter to La Jolla Light

The La Jolla Light, where futurism is alive and well. Not necessarily sane, but alive and well. Check out this letter from longtime La Jolla resident Patricia Weber, who predicts that, should America embrace marriage equality, all Hell will break loose, culminating somehow in global thermonuclear war and nationwide internment camps.

In the process Weber reveals deep and weird levels of racism and homophobia. She probably doesn't want to know just how close her precious La Jolla is to Hillcrest and El Cajon.

It is now the year 2065. Chester Allman has just returned from the Moon Colony and makes his way back to his family's home in California. He is met at the door by his 30-year-old grandson, Michael, and Michael's five wives. Chester is bewildered and asks Michael for an explanation.

His grandson explains, "Remember back in the early century when several states changed the definition of marriage? They changed the law by legalizing marriage between two men or two women. Our two-century old definition of marriage was tossed aside. The precedent opened an easy way to further change the definition of marriage, to allow union between one man and two wives, then one woman and two husbands, and after that all hell broke loose! Nobody keeps track anymore."

Noting his grandfather's horrified look, Michael continues, "Why did you guys change things in the first place? Don't you see what damage you did? You should have kept it the way it was!"

"I can't believe all this is happening," Chester says, "but I'm tired and hungry."

"Sorry, Grandpa," Michael replies, "but food is scarce because of the atomic bombing. We have only intravenous feeding at breakfast and lunch."

Chester sighs, "What does your President have to say about all this?"

"You aren't up on the news, are you? Haven't you heard that our President is an American Indian and has put all of us whites on reservations?"

Chester angers, swears and turns to leave. Michael reaches out to detain him. "Wait, Grandpa! Wait! Where are you going?"

Chester calls over his shoulder, "I'm going to catch the next shuttle back to the Moon!"

Can't tell if trolling... or just stupid...

It's a cheap joke, but we can't resist: isn't La Jolla already a white reservation? Also, if same-sex marriage also took us to lunar colonies, wouldn't that be a win?

The article suggests that the moon colony (why are we even still discussing this?) isn't an American property. Oh, and someone old enough to have a 30-year-old grandson is cleared for routine space travel. Interesting.

Also, no internet or phone connection to said colony. We may have just outed Patricia Weber as an IE6 user.

(The Word Unheard, via Gawker)