Dolly Parton 'Alive and Well' Despite Death Rumor

If [there] is one activity that is enjoyed by both the men and women ... it is gossip. Forget the Internet! If you want to know what's really going on in the world, you need to get plugged into "The Bearer of Personal Information." Otherwise known as the unofficial neighborhood officer of Homeland Security.

There is a difference between men and women by the way. Men kinda couch their gossip with "deniability." For example:

John: "Boy, that's too bad that such a great guy like Roy would have to go through such a thing. (Note the absence of anything concrete in this statement. John could be talking about a cold or a bunnion. Even an ingrown toenail!)

Rick:  I haven't heard anything? What's going on? (Translation: "I need to verify my source with a second source which just happens to be you.")

John: Well, I don't know whether to tell you or not. (Translation: If I can't keep a confidence why should I believe you will.)

Rick: Well, maybe your right not to talk about it. (Translation: Your gossip has an expiration date and if you don't [tell me] now, I'll just get it from somebody else.)

John: Well, I really don't know how true this is (notice the disclaimer), but I hear that Henry's sleeping on the couch nowadays.

Now, having verified the gossip (men always check their facts with two sources), Rick is ready to "go public". The best way to "go public" is to tell a female. Since they got it from a man, it must be true! Why? Because men don't gossip!

Rick to Jenny: "Look, go easy on Roy, he's having a hard time getting any sleep at home" (men never disclose all the facts)

Jenny: "OK, I promise not to give him a hard time today. (Translation: This'll teach the %%$##@ to call me "sweety".) To a woman, this is payback time. Now you're really in trouble!

Jenny to Susie: Don't say a word! (feel free to broadcast to anyone that will listen), Not one word! (whole sentences are OK.) Roy brought home a "sheep"(notice how one innocent letter changes the whole story), and is his wife ever angry! I can't say that I blame her! Imagine, playing second fiddle to a barnyard animal!"

Anyway, things begin to deteriorate and the story grows more and more salacious until it is no longer recognizeable. The man goes home and hears the adultered story from his wife.

Rick: Poor Roy! Not only is he sleeping on the couch but.....

Yes, now Roy is in real trouble with his wife and co-workers. his options are limited:

1. Deny the rumor and give it even more credibility.

2. Trace the rumor back to the source (this hasn't worked since elementary school!)

3. Fuel the fire by bringing in a new pair of wool mittons and "lamb-chops" for lunch.

4. Start an even better rumor about somebody else! (tell two men). This is also known as "creating a diversion". Publicly apologize for the "misunderstanding" and tell everyone you are now in therapy, "So, please respect my family's privacy at this time".

So, there you have it, the life-cycle of a "rumor". Now please, don't tell ANYBODY!