INTERIOR DESIGNING - 3 RULES

RULE NO. 1: Vary the heights of furniture to create visual interest.

RULE NO. 2: Use textures and colors to give your room a fresher look.

RULE NO. 3: Do not, under any circumstances, ever listen to anything Bryce says. Seriously. You're better off consulting Donald Trump or Elton John than listening to him. Even if you just need a sofa moved, a 6-year-old girl is a better choice than he is.

OK, so I actually just asked the staff at La-Z-Boy Furniture Galleries and that's what they said. But in their defense, they had just spent more than an hour with me in their store. The reason why was because I have been chosen by the folks at Charleston Home + Design magazine to be a — brace yourself because the following two words should never be used in any combination to describe me — celebrity designer. Specifically, I have been chosen for the magazine's big trade show at the Gaillard Auditorium in January. Now before you start thinking the staff at Charleston Home + Design magazine is composed of a bunch of idiots, know that they wisely paired me up with a real-life actual professional interior designer.

Enter Joyce Cerato, who works for the aforementioned La-Z-Boy Furniture Galleries. (She will be the first to tell you that they don't just sell reclining leather chairs.) Out of the kindness of her heart, by which I mean the opportunity to showcase her store's furniture in front of a huge crowd at the Gaillard Auditorium, Joyce agreed to baby-sit/guide me through the process of designing a room. The main way she did this was by "helping" me make good design decisions:

JOYCE: "So, what kind of seating would you like in your room?"

ME: "I was thinking something in a zebra print with a toilet built into it."

JOYCE: "Perfect. A beige love seat with matching ottoman it is."

Now I'm not saying Joyce ignored my input, I'm simply saying she realized, based on the fact that I tuck my sweater into my jean shorts, I have absolutely no clue when it comes to fashion or design. As a result, when I said I wanted a Lego coffee table, she knew a person with an ounce of what insiders refer to as "taste" probably would prefer mahogany. Or when I said no room is complete without a gigantic totem pole, she knew to ask me to leave the store.

Of course I am only joking. She had the security guys do that. But before they did, Joyce and I laid the foundation of what I believe will be the best celebrity room on display at the show. However, this isn't up to us (if it was I wouldn't need your sorry butts), it's up to you (whoops, disregard that last parenthetical comment). You, the general public, get to choose the best room. The winner will have a bunch of money donated to the charity of their choice. Which is great and all, but let's be honest, Joyce and I want to win. If a few kids get some Christmas presents too, well, that's just icing on the cake.

So help us out. Come to the show at the Gaillard next month (Jan. 23-25) and carefully look at all the rooms and vote for the one you think looks best. I suggest you choose ours. Not that I'm threatening you or anything, I'm just saying if you don't pick ours, Joyce might have security ask you to leave.

Wilfred John is wishes everybody a Merry Christmas 

                                                 SOURCE: OMNI NEWS