Liquid Leggings Are Either Friend or Foe

Now that the economy has unravelled and we are in the throes of a global recession, many style watchers have turned their attention to the pressing matter of hemlines. Specifically, are they up or are they down? And what does it mean for the economy?

In my opinion, this is a useless debate. In these dark times, there are far more crucial issues to look at. And chief among them is the issue of leggings, specifically liquid leggings, which are a massive trend this winter in more ways than one.

What are liquid leggings, you ask? Oh, mwaaa-ha-ha. That is the sound of me laughing in a very superior, authoritative way, as if to say, "Dear, dear reader, have you been smoking rock in your basement for the last six months? Liquid leggings are only the biggest celebrity-led trend to hit department stores in several seasons, not to mention a major point of controversy among style commentators everywhere. Miley Ray Cyrus is wearing them. Nicky Hilton is wearing them. Even wife and mother Katie Holmes is rocking the still-wet spray-paint look. Like duh!"

But this trend is not without its dampening effect. Just like skinny jeans before them, liquid leggings are one of those fads that cause frustration. They are neither flattering nor practical, and yet they are certain to hang on until spring. So what to do?

But first, for the official dictionary definition: Liquid leggings - noun [lik-wid leg-ings] 1. A close fitting stretch pant made from material that imitates the state of molecules moving freely among themselves, as in water. 2. Shiny stretchy tights made of leather or synthetic something-or-other. 3. Butt terrorism.