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‘Reverse Bonus Checks’ Drain Wall Street Bank Accounts
New York -- The global economic crisis has finally caught up with Wall Street insiders who triggered it. They are discovering that their traditional year-end compensation is lowering the balance on their bank... ‘CSI: Kardashian’ Puts the Madcap Back into Murder
Hollywood, California - CBS has launched a fourth version of its Crime Scene Investigation series, but with a twist. This time, the show plays forensics for fun, with members of America’s least talented but most... China Sending Men to the Moon to Build a Lunar iPad Factory
Beijing -- China has revealed the purpose of its manned missions to the moon. The Chinese want to construct their next electronics assembly plant there as the first step toward using the moon as a manufacturing... NYPD Threatens To Shut Down Times Square On New Year’s Eve
Police in New York have announced a plan to block the city’s New Year’s Eve celebration, contending that its crowd control responsibilities in Times Square interfere with a more essential duty. “The public... Donald Trump Creates A New Political Party -- The Trumpets
New York -- Just days after turning in his Republican membership card and secret decoder ring, real estate developer Donald Trump has launched his own personal political party. “It’s called the Trumpets,... Steve Jobs Still Running Apple -- From Hell
Cupertino, California -- Almost three months after his death, Steve Jobs continues to head Apple Inc., controlling the company from his special place in Hell through a combination of Wi-Fi, G4 and supernatural... What Does Ken Burns Want for Christmas?
This two-minute mockumentary may have the answer. It was produced by BAMPA -- the Barely Any Motion Picture Association. And features slow pans and zooms of old photos of not so famous people. Jon Corzine Fingers Mr. Potter; Says Life’s Not So Wonderful
Washington DC - Failed hedge fund CEO Jon Corzine yesterday called on a House Subcommittee to arrest Henry F. Potter, a Bedford Falls banker and slumlord, for fraud and malfeasance in connection with the collapse... Rick Perry's Jacket In Homophobic Ad Is From A Familiar Place
He walked right into this one. (Via Buzzfeed) Herman Cain’s Wife Urges Him to Run - for His Life
Atlanta - Beleaguered presidential hopeful Herman Cain returned to his suburban Georgia home to ask his wife the loaded question: “Should I continue to run even though they’re saying that I cheated on you,... Pope Orders ‘Missal Launch’ on Salt Lake City, Igniting Holy War
The Vatican - The introduction of a new Missal, the prayer book that serves as the script for the Catholic Mass, has resulted in a Holy War between two of the world’s religions. Upon publication of the new... Nintendo’s Mario Named Prime Minister Of Italy
Rome - The most famous video game character the world has ever known has been appointed Prime Minister of Italy. In the latest attempt to get Italy’s debt crisis under control, Nintendo’s Mario has been put in... Presidential Lottery to Replace Elections: May the Best Bet Win
Washington, DC - Americans are betting that they can select a better president by chance than by choice. The presidential elections, which were scheduled for next November, have been replaced by the nation’s... Social Media Turning Americans Into Socialists, Study Warns
Washington, DC - America’s growing use of social media is transforming the population of the United States into “a gang of pinko, socialist subversives,” according to a study by a leading conservative think... Occupy Advertising
By its very nature, the so-called “Occupy” movement (gathering? protest? sleep-over?) should be anti-advertising. I say this mainly because advertising is the preferred tool of the hated, demonically... Top Members Today
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