Congress OKs ‘Rights Rationing’ to balance liberty & security

Washington DC -- With the nation trembling from recent threats by film critics, pressure cooker salesmen, wise guy journalists and wanna-be movie stars, enforcement agencies are demanding greater authority to...

The 10 sure signs you’re playing for the Mets

Flushing, New York -- It’s hard enough being a Mets fan, putting up with a Scrooge of an owner and a stooge of a general manager. Imagine playing for this talentless team.  Put yourself in their bargain...

Attorney General Holder orders America to turn itself in

Washington, DC -- The Obama Administration’s top lawman has officially arrested the entire population of the United States.  In an unprecedented Justice Department directive, Attorney General Eric Holder...

Kim Jong-Un to Star on Celebrity Apprentice (parody)

Hollywood -- North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un has signed up for a starring role on next season’s Celebrity Apprentice series. Slated to lead a team of contestants that will include Gary Busey and Dennis Rodman,...

Gun debate leads to a rise in suicides (satire)

Washington, DC -- As the gun control debate enters its fifth month with no end in sight, mental health authorities are blaming the drawn out policy dispute for a rise in the nation’s suicide rate. The major...

Korean tyrant buys world domination plan from US defense firm

Pyongyang, North Korea -- Spring is the season when a young man’s fancy turns toward world domination. And so it goes with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un, who recently purchased a blueprint to take over the...

Cyprus Banks Take Back Toasters, Ruin Breakfast

Nicosia, Cyprus - The shiny toasters that bank customers received for opening new accounts are being confiscated by the financial institutions that gifted them. Objective: to help ease this country’s multibillion...

GOP Acquires Carnival Cruise Lines for ‘Fun and Profit’

Somewhere At Sea - Looking to shake its stodgy image and sinking popularity, the Republican Party has purchased Carnival Cruise Lines. The move is designed to rebrand and re-energize the right side of the political...

Bloomberg Bids To Become The Second Jewish Pope

The Vatican -- New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg is moving to complete a deal that would make him the second Jewish Pontiff of the Roman Catholic Church.   “St. Peter was Jewish and he turned out to be the...

Miracles of Pope Benedict Revealed

Vatican City -- As he retires as the mystical leader of the Catholic Church, Pope Benedict is being honored for the miracles he performed while pontiff.  Among the amazing feats with which he is credited are...

NASCAR’s Fan Appreciation Scheme Backfires

Daytona, Florida -- A rumored NASCAR plan to shower its loyal fans with free souvenirs ran into a glitch at the end of its Nationwide Series race here. The idea was to launch  a “piñata car” into the home...