Congress to Star in a Super Bowl Commercial

Hollywood - Faced with the lowest approval rating in the history of approval ratings, the United States Congress plans to promote itself with a television ad produced specifically to run during the Super Bowl....

Bloomberg Confuses Gun Rights With Gay Rights & Blows Out Brains

New York -  Mayor Michael Bloomberg was released from Bellevue Hospital today after being treated for what’s being called “a firearm mishap.” It appears that the mayor mistook a pistol for a penis and...

Ford Offers ‘Ejection Seating‘ to Fix Recalled Escapes

Dearborn, Michigan - It’s been a rough road for the introduction of 2013 Ford Escape. First, the newly designed SUV was recalled because its gas pedal had a tendency to get stuck in the carpeting at awkward...

Mt. Rushmore Mistaken for the Fiscal Cliff; Lincoln Loses Face

Keystone, South Dakota - The Mount Rushmore National Memorial was severely damaged last night by a missile fired by a US military drone.  The attack apparently was commissioned by Congress in what is now being...

General Petraeus Stripped of His ‘License to Kill’

Washington DC - The State Department has revoked the master spy privileges of disgraced former CIA director David Petraeus. That means the ex-general has lost all of his “00” espionage perks, including the...

Lance Armstrong Named Yankees’ New Cheating Coach

New York -- Looking to bounce back from being swept in the American League playoffs, the New York Yankees have named former cycling scammer Lance Armstrong as their new cheating coach. “We managed just six runs...

Birth certificate typo reshapes Mitt Romney’s campaign

Washington, DC - A typographical error discovered on Mitt Romney’s birth certificate yesterday has reshaped the Republican nominee’s presidential campaign. Due to the omission of a single, small “m,” the...

New York Mets take away 11 ‘positives’ from the 2012 season

New York -  With their season running off the rails, the New York Mets have already started to take a look back at the year to see what positives can be salvaged from the train wreck. They found 11: 1. The...

Romney reveals more Bain Capital ‘lessons for success’

New York - Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney says he ran out of room in a recent Wall Street Journal article in which he attempted to connect his business experience at Bain Capital with the qualities he...

Akin’s rape delusions expose a ‘Congress of Crazies’

Washington DC - Rep. Todd Akin’s recent comments about rape and abortion indicate that he is better suited for long-term stay in a psychiatric ward than he is for a Senate seat. Specifically, he told a television...

Paul Ryan to Seniors: Please Drop Dead (Parody)

Arlington National Cemetery - The Republican’s newly named vice presidential nominee has some patriotic advice for America’s elderly. He’d like them to stop breathing.  Introducing his Medicare cutback...