Wall Street’s IQ Plunges, Triggering A ‘Too Dumb To Fall' Bailout

New York City — The collective IQ of Wall Street executives has dropped below the mental retardation level for the first time ever, prompting the Federal Reserve to impose the “too dumb to fall” provisions...

Are Your Fish Getting Enough Exercise?

The problem with home aquariums is that they're too small and confining. The fish can't swim the natural distances they need to get sufficient exercise. I was thinking about this the other day when I realized...

Oil Companies Creating Special Packaging for $5-a-Gallon Gas

Houston, Texas -- As gasoline prices ratchet up past the $4-a-gallon mark, the oil industry is preparing a more luxurious way to present its increasingly costly product to consumers. “Think expensive fragrances,...

Birth Certificate Reveals Santorum To Be The Son of God ( Humor)

Washington, DC -- Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum has declared his campaign to be “The Second Coming,” after learning that his birth certificate identifies him as the Son of God. “I thought I...

Airbags Adding Safety to New Nuke Plants

Augusta, Georgia -- An electric utility here is building the first new nuclear generating plants to be constructed in the US since 1978. Its safety secret: the use of giant, automotive type airbags to cushion and...

Congress Strikes Back: Gives Taxpayers a 4% Approval Rating

Washington -- Still stinging from the lowly 10% approval rating it received from the American public, Congress has taken revenge, bestowing a measly four percent approval rating on taxpaying citizens. “Taxpayers...

Super Bowl Controversy: National Anthem Replaced with a Dodge Ad

Football fans watching Super Bowl XLVI can remain seated during the pregame ceremonies this year, because the singing of The Star-Spangled Banner will be preempted by a television commercial for Dodge trucks. “At...

New Greek Threat: More Credit for Us Or No More Gyros for You

Athens -- Facing a debt burden that could enslave its citizens for decades to come, Greece has gone on the offensive, declaring it will halt the production of gyros worldwide if it’s not given a larger line of...

Hillary Clinton to Convert US Embassies into IHOPs

Washington DC -- Secretary Of State Hillary Clinton has begun transforming her diplomatic corp’s global network of embassies and consulates into the world’s largest International House of Pancakes chain....

Frenchmen’s AAA Romance Rating Downgraded To C-

Paris -- The EU Division of Standard & Poor’s has notched down France’s world-leading AAA Romance Rating, relegating the “land of love” to the bottom of the hotness heap when it comes to “lust,...

Republicans Battle On How Far To Turn Back the Clock

Crossroads, South Carolina -- Despite their endless bickering, the Republican presidential candidates all agree that they would like to take the nation back to a more gentler and prosperous era.  But they have...

‘Reverse Bonus Checks’ Drain Wall Street Bank Accounts

New York -- The global economic crisis has finally caught up with Wall Street insiders who triggered it. They are discovering that their traditional year-end compensation is lowering the balance on their bank...

‘CSI: Kardashian’ Puts the Madcap Back into Murder

Hollywood, California - CBS has launched a fourth version of its Crime Scene Investigation series, but with a twist. This time, the show plays forensics for fun, with members of America’s least talented but most...

NYPD Threatens To Shut Down Times Square On New Year’s Eve

Police in New York have announced a plan to block the city’s New Year’s Eve celebration, contending that its crowd control responsibilities in Times Square interfere with a more essential duty. “The public...