Failing US Economy No Reason At All To Stop Investing Print Media

NEW YORK—The nation's top experts unanimously agreed Tuesday that the current struggles of the U.S. economy were no reason whatsoever to stop investing in print media, which they said was easily the safest and most profitable place to invest one's money.

Without exception, leading authorities across all relevant disciplines said that while traditional low-risk instruments such as CDs, bonds, and gold were still relatively secure investments, only the nation's beloved print media outlets could offer both the reliability and the potential for tremendous financial gain required for guaranteed peace of mind.