LHC: Higgs Boson and Time Travel

by Jordan Yerman | March 30, 2010 at 09:28 am

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LHC Won't Find the Higgs Boson Due to 'Time Travel'- Physicists

Even as the LHC at CERN ramps up for two yars of particle-accelerator testing, two physicists say that the elusive Higgs Boson particle will remain undiscovered. Perhaps most sensaionally, Hoger Bech Nielsen and Masao Ninomiya say that the LHC's string of mishaps are due to the Higgs Boson's unwillingness to be discovered; that the Higgs Boson is, from the future, influencing the past.

In other words, that the LHC is doomed to failure due to time travel.

Desmond says, "You're not gonna find the Higgs Boson, brotha." Nielsen and Nonomiya concur, suggesting that CERN test their time-travel theory with a card trick: basically marking 100 million cards (or their database equivalent) with hearts, and only one with a spade. Should the spade be drawn from all those hearts, then the LHC would have to shut down. The prediction is that the spade would indeed be drawn. Replace "heart" with "keep the LHC running" and "spade" with "shut the LHC down", and you have yourself a pretty high-stakes card game.

The larger implication is that not only does the past influence the future, but the future influences the past.

You can read it yourself and draw your own conclusions:
Test of Influence from Future in Large Hadron Collider; A Proposal (pdf)

If you pull one of the "shut down" ones at random, you have pretty good proof that the Higgs is trying to tell you something from the future.

Of course, Criss Angel is not the project director for CERN's particle accelerator.

“It must be our prediction that all Higgs producing machines shall have bad luck,” Dr. Nielsen said in an e-mail message. In an unpublished essay, Dr. Nielson said of the theory, “Well, one could even almost say that we have a model for God.” It is their guess, he went on, “that He rather hates Higgs particles, and attempts to avoid them.”

According to physicists, all you really need to know, mathematically, to describe what happens to an apple or the 100 billion galaxies of the universe over all time are the laws that describe how things change and a statement of where things start.

Some bloggers are... reluctant to accept this theory, to put it mildly.

I apologize to the authors for my bluntness, but I am used to speak my mind in my blog: I had not seen such a pile of unmitigated BS in the ArXiV since I don’t know when.