The Real Winners (and Losers)...

"Americans will always do the right thing... after they've exhausted all the alternatives."
- Winston Churchill

Today's Winners

• Howard Dean. His 50-state strategy, which was derided by the Democratic Party elite when he launched it two years' ago, has proven devastatingly effective. Without Dean's efforts, there is no way we would have been competitive in blood red states such as Kansas, Kentucky, Idaho, Wyoming and Arizona. In just two years, Dean has created a nationwide infrastructure out of nothing and turned the Democrats into a truly national party. We will continue to build on this infrastructure between now and 2008.
• The American people. This goes without saying. Finally, we can start fixing the damage inflicted upon this nation, but Democrats cannot rest on their laurels. We have to deliver now.
• Nancy Pelosi, the first ever female Speaker of the House and now the most powerful woman in this nation's history. She is just two heartbeats away from the presidency, and she is a San Francisco liberal. Take that, Karl Rove and Tom DeLay!
• The netroots movement. Liberal blogs had a tremendous effect in terms of fundraising for Democratic candidates and mobilizing grassroots efforts for progressive candidates right across the country. The progressive blogosphere (of which we are a tiny, insignificant part) finally came of age this year.
• Jim Webb, Claire McCaskill, Ted Strickland, Jon Tester, Bob Casey Jr., Chris Murphy, Nancy Boyda, Paul Hodes, Patrick Murphy, Sheldon Whitehouse, Lois Murphy, Deval Patrick, Heath Schuler and all the other numerous Democratic heroes who kicked Republican incumbents out of office. Don't break our hearts now.
• Our brave soldiers in Iraq. Please God you will be coming home much sooner than you would have done if Rummy had stayed the course.
• Traditional conservatives. Now you can start taking your party back from the ideological extremists who have hijacked the Republican Party. The neocons are toast.
• State legislatures. For the first time since 1994, Democrats control an overwhelming majority of statehouses and governors' mansions. All progressive change generally originates in the states.
• Rahm Emanuel and Charles Schumer. These two men led a fierce, against-the-odds campaign to take our country back from one-party domination. They matched and outwitted Karl Rove every step of the way and have secured a place in the liberal hall of fame, if there is such a thing.
• Libertarians. A Democratic congress will ensure that the steady erosion of our constitutional rights will now come to an end. If nothing else, we can expect hearings and investigations into illegal wiretapping, torture and indefinite detentions of U.S. citizens.
• Pro-immigration advocates. If there is one issue where I have always agreed with President Bush, it is immigration. He will probably find a Democratic Congress much more receptive to his immigration plan than a Republican one. We can expect to see this become a major issue in the next year.
• Civil rights. With a Democratic Congress, Bush will be unable to appoint any more extreme right-wing judges to the bench.
• John McCain and Rudy Giuliani. The repudiation of neoconservativism is a boost to conservative realists like McCain and Giuliani, who now become the defacto leaders of their party as we turn to 2008.
• Barrack Obama. The election of a progressive Congress will be a huge boost to his presidential aspirations, especially if the political debate now starts returning to the center as expected.
• Pragmatists. The United States is a centrist nation---not conservative, not liberal but centrist. The new electoral paradigm allows Democrats to bring the country back to the center and end the poisonous partisanship that has characterized the past six years.
• The Iraqi people. Now we can start figuring out a strategy based on pragmatic realism rather than ideological ignorance.
• Investors. The economy has always performed better when Democrats are in power. We have the opportunity to scale back the reckless and corrupt spending habits of the Republican congress and start reducing the deficit.
• Working families. This is just a hope, but I am looking to Democrats to put the brakes on the one-sided free trade policies that have ruined so many families financially. We have to start by allowing Bush's tax cuts for millionaires to expire, while adjusting the alternative minimum tax to avoid ensnaring middle class families. Also, I would love to see the revocation of tax breaks for corporations who send American jobs overseas.
• Michael J. Fox and other victims of diseases whose cures could potentially be obtained with stem cell research.
• People with real moral values. Finally, your voice will be heard by a government which recognizes that moral values is about more than gay marriage and abortion.

And now to the losers (just because I've waited so long for this...)

• Karl Rove. The Architect is not invincible. We made him into this omnipotent genius, but yesterday we discovered that he is fallible after all. This election was a rejection of his divisive, dirty political tricks. The American people saw through all his negative tactics, his tricks and his deceptions, proving that you can't put lipstick on a pig. As Rocky Balboa's trainer once said before the final round of a fight: "You see? He's not a machine, he's just a man. Just a man."
• Rick Santorum. Now he will have more time to study the effects of "man on dog" intercourse.
• Curt Weldon, Don Sherwood, John Sweeney, George Allen and Conrad Burns. Couldn't have happened to a group of more despicable people. Good riddance.
• Tom DeLay. Still grinning as he saw his beloved seat fall to the Democrats. Still, he has a good career in front of him making license plates.
• Tony Blair. He must be praying that the Democrats don't start holding hearings into WMD intelligence. His political career is already toast, but I hear he still jumps every time he hears the words "Downing Street Memo".
• Al-Qaida. Now we can start working on a serious strategy to combat the root causes of terrorism instead of fighting terrorists with slogans and ineffective policies that only seem to create more terrorists.
• Donald Rumsfeld. May God forgive you for your arrogance, incompetence and the deaths you have caused.
• Denny Hastert. Bye bye, you fat thug.
• The neoconservatives. You had your shot, you blew it, you nearly destroyed our nation. You will not be missed.
• Dick Cheney. Not looking so smug and superior now, are we? This is how your career ends, in ignomony and irrelevance.
• Halliburton. No more free rides for Cheney's old company. We have investigative oversight and subpoena power now. I want to know what has happened to the $10 billion of taxpayers money that was somehow "misplaced".
• George W. Bush. The people have rendered their final verdict on your presidency. Now you are a lame duck. Face it. Your party is too busy trying to find your successor to worry about you. If you even blink at the Democratic Congress, you will find yourself tied up with subpoenas and investigations for the rest of your presidency.
• Fox News. Not as influential as you think, you Republican hacks.
• Rush Limbaugh. Fatboy must sure need some powerful drugs today. Has his head exploded yet?
• Sean Hannity. It feels so good to wipe that smug, supercilious smirk off your face. Now spin your way out of this one, you dick.
• K-Street lobbyists and corrupt corporate donors. Your days are numbered. Hope you enjoyed the free-for-all while it lasted.

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