The ultimate rejection: a book lover's tale of woe

As a clinical social worker, I listen to other people's problems all day long.  Some days while trying to help other people manage their minds, I think I may lose mine.  I enjoy my job and love helping people (well, most of them) but at the end of the day I just want solitude.  I love to come home and read a nice book, or if it has been a particularly stressful day, People magazine.  All of this solitude sometimes leaves me wondering if I should not get involved in more activities to try and make some non-work friends.

When I saw a posting on my neighborhood listserv for a bookgroup looking to expand, I decided to take a chance and respond.  I heard from a very nice woman who gave me the information on where to meet.  The only problem was the next meeting was in 2 days, and I would not have time to read the book.  I would be working and babysitting in the interval, with no time for anything but sleep and maybe a meal or two.  I had a pretty steep book buying habit, and babysitting was footing the bill.  I could not give up those jobs.  Bravely, I agreed to attend the meeting having not read the book.

The day of the book club came.  In pouring rain, I drove around for 30 minutes looking for a parking space before springing for a garage.  Parking was the bane of my existence in Washington, DC, and I was ready to just give up and check my wallet with the parking lot attendant in order to ditch the car somewhere.  I ran to the restaurant to meeting the other young women. 

Although I was initially very nervous, I relaxed eventually and began to enjoy myself.  We talked and laughed and shared stories of life in the big city.  The other members asked me what books I liked to read and I rattled off several books I had read recently.  I love to read memoirs, non-fiction, literary essays and fiction.  I am often teased for my ability to commit entire books to memory.  One of the members gave me kind of a startled look when I talked, and asked me if I was a book editor.  No, I just love to read I responded.  The evening ended on a pleasant note with the other members promising to inform me of the next meeting. 

I went to work the next day all giddy and excited that I belonged to a book group finally.  It seemed like a great place to meet new people.  My friends had all gotten married, had kids and fled to the suburbs.  Here was the opportunity to make some friends with some very nice young women that lived right in my neighborhood.  Everyone in my life was happy I was finally doing something after work once in awhile, besides watching massive amounts of reality tv.

It was about 2 days later that I got the email from the original poster to the listserv.  She was glad to have met me, but decided I was not quite right for their book group.  I was shocked, mortified, appalled but most of all embarrassed.  How could I, the ultimate reader, be rejected from a book club?  Every possible emotion ran through me that day.  I tried to analyze the evening.  Was it something I said?  Is this a classic case of its not you, it's us?  I thought back to grade school, when I was reading on the 12 th grade level in 4th grade.  I remembered those high verbal scores on the GRE.  I am on first name basis with the librarians at my local branch  My head spun with possibilities.

Eventually, I began to feel irate.  It was rare for me to meet new people and be so relaxed, to let my guard down so to speak.  If I had been informed I was auditioning for the book club, I could have been wittier or more professional.  Heck,  I would have even dressed up for the event.  I grumbled to my friends, how could this have happened?  I could understanding if I had been trying something I am not very good at, like archery, but reading?  Books are my number one love!

My ego recovered in a couple of days, and I began to laugh about the experience with some friends.  I had not thought about it until just a few days ago when I received another email from the original book club listserv poster.  She was promoting a book her friend wrote, would I like to buy a copy since I was such a big reader?