Them & Us

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Them & Us

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My wife and I were out buying panties yesterday.  Well, actually, she was buying panties and I was just along for the day because, next to having a colonoscopy, there is nothing I’d rather do with my weekend than go shopping for ladies’ underwear. 

Anyway, that’s another story. 

Suddenly a colorful dragon and his back-up musicians burst into the store.  He immediately started prancing around and jumping around while the band banged on the drums and bashed their cymbals mercilessly.  Eventually, the dragon started to eat the cabbage that was hanging from the ceiling (I had been wondering what the fuck that was for) and eating the oranges that were left in a bowl in the middle of the floor (I’d been meaning to ask about that too). 

When I asked a store clerk what this was all about she informed me that it was a Chinese tradition that at the New Year this colorful beast would come in and eat cabbage and oranges in order to secure good luck for the business owners. 

Sure enough, the dragon and musicians soon departed and proceeded to the next store to repeat the process. 

“What a quaint, colorful, ear-splitting and totally useless tradition!” I mused to myself.  For a few moments I was grateful to have been raised in a more modern and sophisticated society and that my culture did not require me to believe in such hocus-pocus foolishness. 

Then I remembered that the Pope regularly puts on some spooky looking threads and has his minions sprinkle the assembled crowds with incense and holy water in order to invoke good luck or better karma (I think his Holiness calls it “blessings” or “grace”) from the Almighty Spirit who suffers from multiple (count them … 3) personalities disorder. 

I left the store feeling a bit less smug about the superiority of my culture and wondering whether I should ask the dragon to bless my wife’s panties.