This is GNN: Ghetto News Network

In 2003, CNN made a rather starling announcement regarding their anchors. A mandate was issued that in order to reach a younger audience, those between the ages of 18 and 49, the anchors would start using slang terms during their broadcasts. According to a memo obtained by several news outlets, a listing of terms, such as "jiggy," "dope," and "fa shizzle" (for sure) would be distributed to the anchors in effort to get them up to speed on the latest street lingo. While the "suits" at CNN were confident that this would help to increase viewership, I was confident that the executives and anchors would look like a bunch of assholes if they went through with this stupid plan.

It was bad enough that I had to watch anchors that were nothing more than mannequins, with their perfectly cropped hair, clothes, and features. The thought of having to be subjected to some news dork spewing words that they didn't even understand was irritating as hell.

This would be the equivalent of having New York Governor George Pataki host the MTV Music Awards. Imagine this guy trying to keep America's youth riveted to the show for three hours. I still can't shake that harrowing image of Martha Stewart attempting to speak slang when she appeared at the MTV Music Awards with rap superstar Busta Rhymes a few years ago. I had nightmares for weeks. Hey Martha! I hope your former inmates were kind enough to teach you how to properly articulate terms like "Bling-bling", "That's butter", and "It's a wrap". Stick to making tea and crumpets Martha, okay?