Trampled Constitution Fights Back With Series of Pranks on Bush

(RPI) – Sick of being trampled underfoot by the Bush Administration, an angry U.S. Constitution has begun fighting back with a series of pranks and practical jokes on President George W. Bush.“I just thought enough is enough,” said the Constitution.”You can’t just bend over and take it like George Tenet.”Tying the President’s shoes together, short-sheeting the Presidential bed, cutting Bush’s ties in half, and strategically-timed placements of whoopee cushions are among some of the hijinx played on the President by the nation’s guiding principles.Lately, the Constitution has placed a series of prank calls to Bush’s personal number in the White House residence. His favorite?“Do you have Prince Albert in a can? Well, why did you squander our intelligence assets on him when Osama bin Laden is still at large?”The Constitution, whose friends and supporters over the years have included the likes of Washington, Jefferson, and Lincoln, is angry over the Administration’s cavalier approach to the rule of law, likening it to a spoiled brat who wants to water-board a mental patient before eating its vegetables. “Look, the guy couldn’t pass an open book elementary school civics exam, and he has the temerity to f--- with me?” said an obviously irate Constitution over his eighth scotch on the rocks at a popular D.C. watering hole. “Checks and balances? Limits on executive power? The entire notion of representative democracy? He takes it all as a personal insult. I was created to avoid having a self-delusional monarch wannabe with a messiah complex hijack the nation and tool around with it like it’s his personal Cessna. That’s my f----- job a-hole!”Seeing a clip of Bush on the bar TV sends an already furious Constitution into another tirade. “You’re ‘the decider?’ You’re ‘the decider?’ Well guess what Mr. Decider. I’m the f----- U.S. f----- Constitution. So f--- you.”The Bill of Rights has also joined in the fray, focusing its tomfoolery on the large collection of personal clothing embroidered with the ”W” moniker. “The 18th Amendment keeps stitching a big red X over all the W's and then stitching in a ‘D-‘ just to the right,” said the Bill of Rights. “It drives him absolutely bonkers.” The War Powers Act, currently residing in tatters at the bottom of a Capital Building basement trashcan, is somewhat pessimistic that the shenanigans will have any effect. “They can do all they want, but in the end, they’ll be joining me down here.” UPDATE - Sources close the White House say that late last evening the Secret Service arrested the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. Sources say both were flown out of the country and are currently undergoing intense interrogation at an undisclosed location in Thailand.