Some Dreams Don’t Come True

Finally, it’s over.For anyone who ever wanted to know what it feels like to sit in abathtub, slit your wrists, and listen to Mazy Star as you slowly loseconsciousness, I’d have to say that the Democratic primary...

Pillaging Ain’t What it Used to Be

For three days in New York, I walked, took taxis, hopped on thesubway, and bussed it to all my destinations. It was so convenient thatI didn’t even think about it until I returned to Los Angeles, and hadto fill up...

You Can’t Trust A Woman With Money

When Bill Clintonleft office in the winter of 2000, the economy was booming, the governmentbudget was balanced, and tight fiscal spending had given the government $230billion surplus, making it the largest surplus in...

Old White People Like Me

Yesterday, Hilary Clinton trounced Barack Obama winning the WestVirginia primary by gaining 67% of the vote to Obama’s 22%. The 45%margin of victory inspired the nearly bankrupt Clinton campaign, andled Hilary to...

This is Change

In 1861 black men were slaves and women could not vote. I only mention it because that was the year that Indiana joined the Union andNorth Carolina joined the Confederates.Now over one hundred years later a new...

AIDS & Genocide Are Good For Earth

Okay, I get it, the ice caps are melting, polar bears are dying,Indonesia is going to be underwater, and hurricanes will continue toravage Florida. My question is why am I supposed to care?Sure, I know that global warming is happening but it shouldn’t stopme from driving a...

Tibet Can Not Be Saved

Okay, I get it, China invaded Tibet in 1951 and Tibetans want theircountry back. But on a scale of global atrocities, which include theRwandan Genocide where 800 thousand people were slaughtered in a sixmonth period...

Celebrities Can’t Have Abortions

35% of American women have had an abortion, and yet I’m supposed to believe that not one celebrity has had one? Google search it and you’ll find a list of celebrities for and against it, but you won’t find one...

No Leprechauns in America

For centuries, the leprechaun has served as a symbol that everyday people through luck or hard work might one day be able to obtain their own pot of gold. For American’s those days might be over. Hoping to avoid a...

Male Seeks Female

Evangelical preacher Ted Haggard smokes meth and blows gay prostitutes, Senator Larry Craig likes to solicit sexual favors in airport men’s bathrooms, and now famed crime crusader and governor of New York State has...

50 Reasons Not To Drink & Drive

Sometimes when I’m drunk, I think that I’m sober enough to drive, so I keep a list of all my past drinking and driving experiences, so that if I find myself in the same situation, I’ll know it’s time to call a cab. If I have more than one Irish car bomb, tequila shot,...

Exporting Obesity

Good news for sick little Chinese kids, Kentucky Fried Chicken has a cure. After years of contributing to America’s obesity problem, Yum Brands the company that owns KFC, Taco Bell, and Pizza Hut has set their...

Airlines Suck

I was supposed to go to work today. I woke up at 6am to catch a flight from Vail, CO to Los Angeles but of course my flight has been delayed. Shocker! And it’s not because we’re snowed in or the engine failed or a deranged mental patient is pretending to be a terrorist....

143 Million Pounds of Beef, And We Can’t Fix This. . .

Three weeks after The Humane Society released an undercover video of workers abusing cows on the Internet, The Department of Agriculture forced the Westland / Hallmark Meat Company to recall 143 million pounds of...

Drunk Girls Don’t Get Jobs

I love looking at pictures on the Internet of girls passed out in shopping carts, binge drinking, and pulling bong hits naked. But while it pains me to say it, I do believe that women should not post their late night...
 

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