Republicans Unveil a Do-It-Yourself Healthcare Plan

Washington DC - Desperate to take the lead in the nation’s never-ending healthcare debate, Congressional Republicans are massing behind an initiative that would provide all Americans with a do-it-yourself...

‘Department of Common Sense’ Would Rescue America

Washington DC -- A group of activists, academics and other concerned citizens is calling for the creation of a cabinet-level “Department of Common Sense” to improve the quality of decision-making in the...

Pope Launches ‘Moses‘ — New Holy-Tasking Tablet for Catholics

Vatican City — Dressed more like Steve Jobs than St. Steven, Pope Benedict XVI introduced the Catholic Church’s answer to Apple’s iPad today, devoting his audience in St. Peter’s Square to the global launch...

Holder Admits to Fast and Furious Foul-Up: ‘We Forgot the Drugs'

Washington DC — Under mounting pressure to disclose more details about the government’s Fast and Furious gun-running fiasco, Attorney General Eric Holder revealed today that the effort failed because a “drug...

Obama Dumps Biden; Names Apple’s Siri As His Running Mate

Washington, DC — Faced with declining poll numbers and a withering economy, President Barack Obama has dropped Vice President Joe Biden from the Democratic presidential election ticket, selecting Apple’s...

Vampires Mashup with Umpires for the Next TV Trend

Hollywood — Television is drawing new blood from the legends of Transylvania, combining vampires and umpires to create the next big viewing trend. “We knew the vampire concept was losing steam when retail sales...

Tsunami-Driven Toyota Dealership Washes Up In California

Venice, California — Japan’s 2011 tsunami has brought yet another surprise to American shores.  A Toyota dealership, complete with a sales staff and a service dapartment, has landed on the beach here, less...

New Yorkers Tired of Bending Over; ‘Stop and Frisk’ Under Attack

New York — The heat is on the “stop and frisk” powers of the NYPD.  Heavy political pressure has prompted Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly to develop alternatives to a procedure that allows police to...

Coffee Chain Takes Over Spain’s Banks; Euro Out, Starbuck In

Satire — Madrid — The Starbucks Corporation has injected a shot of caffeine into the world’s financial system, taking over Spain’s devastated banking system so it can replace bank branches with Starbucks...

Bloomberg Shrinking 'Fatty Freedoms' In New York City

New York’s diminutive mayor has launched a campaign to shrink the city’s citizenry down to size — one resident at a time. The effort began today with a ban on super-sized sugared drinks and will progress with...

Olympics Scaled Down to Face Debt Crisis Realities

London — The 2012 Olympic Games may be weeks away, but they are already feeling the effects of the European debt crisis.  A long list of austerity measures is being implemented to help the international...

Wall Street’s IQ Plunges, Triggering A ‘Too Dumb To Fall' Bailout

New York City — The collective IQ of Wall Street executives has dropped below the mental retardation level for the first time ever, prompting the Federal Reserve to impose the “too dumb to fall” provisions...

Are Your Fish Getting Enough Exercise?

The problem with home aquariums is that they're too small and confining. The fish can't swim the natural distances they need to get sufficient exercise. I was thinking about this the other day when I realized...